WTF happened to 2013??

I was looking at my blog and realized that in 2013 I did not do one single entry.

If I had to tell you where my 2013 went, I'd have to sit, think, do a couple of huh? and then admit that 2013 came and went. I know plenty of things happened, but not one life changing THING.

Prices went up on everything making it hard to catch up. I've done more cool stuff in the first three months of 2014 than all of 2013. How depressing. A whole year came and went and I did not learn or grow. I did lose some weight so that's a plus. That it probably happened due to my high sugar issues, not such a plus. What productive thing did I do in 2013? You see, as I'm typing, I'm thinking, thinking, thinking. I must have done something last year worth mentioning. I can't allow the whole year to be a personal bust. I guess no one noticed my lack of movement. Worked and worked and where did that get me? well, not very far. This is becoming a ridiculous search.

I did spend a whole lot of time trying to find the best Christmas presents for everyone. Spent too much, I know. Did it make a difference in anyone's life? I don't believe so and it makes me sad. What did I expect really. Presents can't fix opinions or lack of interest?  No wonder my brain rejects 2013, it was a little bit miserable outside of my house.

"The universe is infinite, chaotic and cold". I just heard this sentence in a TV show playing in the background. Very fitting.

I took on an extra job to help ends meet. I loved it but I was so tired at the end of the day. My son was not happy and that meant a lot to me. So I quit. Now that I got that off my chest, I will let it be a reminder to make 2014 a lot more interesting. Bring it on!

Mind

That is all.

To the procrastinator

It seems like I just don't get my personal things to the finish line.

I have 2 birthday parties to plan, 2 vacations, one trip for A and my house to get in order.

What I have done:
Thought of the parties and made a list....
Reserved Resort for 1 vacation, but not the plane txs
Paid for As trip but have not gotten plane txs or hotel accommodations for me. Classic.
My house - well it will never be in order and the fucking dog hair will forever taint any cleaning I do. I'll just resign to that or shave the dog.

Personally, I need to cut down on a ton of things that are not good for me. I should drink a lot of water because it will help my dry eyes. Do I do it? of course not. I just love knowing what is wrong with me, have the tools available but do JACK SHIT.

How aggravated I get with my actions? Plenty.

Does it mean I must hate myself? Possibly. Will therapy cure this? haha I don't think so. I can't be convinced of something I'm pretty certain about.

Sugar - I hate you and certainly hate me.

You have ruined it all.

On a happier note.....well, today I have nothing to be perky about. I will procrastinate feeling better. I'll start tomorrow, I'll eat better tomorrow, I'll excersise starting tomorrow, I'll be a better wife, mother, sister, friend..yeah..tomorrow.

It's late and I know I stopped doing something to write this blog....but I can't remember what it was.
I'll remember...tomorrow.

Top 10 things bothering me today GRRR

Good Morning. There are a couple of things on my mind since yesterday that have been bugging me.....

1. If one is smart enough to get As and the other handy enough to put a whole tile floor by himself, why is it that neither of you can put the fucking cap on the toothpaste, or clean the sink after you brush your teeth?

2. I know I'm the mom, and I take my mom job pretty serious, but would it kill all of you to wash a dish or just clean up where you ate? You can't expect the poor dog to always go ninja and try to take the last crumbs from the table when I'm not looking.

3. How about them rooms? would it kill you to have look presentable once in a while? I mean you ask me to go find you a paper and I have to get goggles and a harpoon just to dig around.

4. The damn fingerprints on the walls!!!!! WTF would you not see all the damn diggits going all the way up the stairs and think, shit I better wipe this shit before my mom goes ape shit on me.

5.There are instruments everywhere in my house.....play one once in a while.

6. If you are my friend, why would you act that way?

7. I really get pissy when someone tries to make me look bad just so they can make themselves look good. You are still not that great, no matter what you do. Just saying.

8. Why can't I seem to get around to doing all the stuff I need to be doing? oh yeah, because I'm going around in circles dealing with the most usless and stupid shit you can imagine.

9. I started my medication again and I'm feeling like a truck hit me, and my eyes are dry. Ugh.

10. I don't want to give up, but I feel like any minute now I'm going to just unplug myself....

There are more but I don't want to seem bitchy.

The red string of fate, also referred to as the red thread of destiny, red thread of fate, and other variants, is an East Asian belief originating from Chinese legend and is also used in Japanese legend. According to this myth, the gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of those that are destined to be soul mates and will one day marry each other. Often, in Japanese culture, it is thou...ght to be tied around the little finger. According to Chinese legend, the deity in charge of "the red thread" is believed to be Yuè Xià Lǎo (月下老, often abbreviated to "Yuèlǎo" [月老]), the old lunar matchmaker god who is also in charge of marriages.
The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break.

Can this be true? I'd like to believe so. How can you possibly know if the invisible string is attached to the person you are meant to be with? lets add more pressure to our already complicated lives. Now, we have to squint really hard and look for a string. I have some red string around my wrist that means an entirely different thing.

Did my invisible string tangled around you? It sure feels that way.

Do you think that red thread of destiny has found you? I also heard that it attaches people who are meant to meet.....if so then I'm glad my red thread reached you xox

Adverting Eyes

Have you ever met someone and had to look away after a while?

I don't remember that ever happening to me, but then I can't seem to remember many things lately. As we get older some people hide their feelings, while others want you to know everything. I play hide and seek with my feelings because at the end of the day, it's so much better. Once it is out there, anyone can do what they please and it does not always work in your favor. Right?

How many personalities can we have inside? I'm not talking the schizofrenic type person, I mean the type of person that plays hide and seek with who they are. How interesting is it when someone is observing and catches your game and calls you on it. That person makes you advert your eyes because you know that they will see everything, if they just look closely.

Letters with meaning

I've decided that I may need to write some letters. In certain situations, I'm not very good one on one, and it seems the people I have to write to don't care to do the one on one with me.

Every family is held together by love, but happens when love is not enough? I always thought love was strong enough to hold everything together, but it is not. The alternative that I'm not loved anymore is too painful. I rather change my theory, or I'll be crying more than a river.

Writing a letter that conveys how you truly feel is hard. First rule is that it should be done by hand. Neat legible handwriting shows that you have put a lot of effort. I've cried writing letters before and left tear drops as stains, I have to be careful while writing these.

Words can hurt longer than a slap. When you write something be certain that it will be re-read, maybe shared for others to give their opinion.

While in the attic twice these last few weeks I came upon a pile of letters. Letters sent to me, cards from my family, notes from my kids. Amazing find. I am so glad I keep everything. By the end of the day, I had a ton of bags full of useless papers, school stuff from the kids, old books from classes that I took, and just crap that I'm not sure why I saved. The letters were saved. I cried like a sad puppy while I read card after card from my brothers when they were younger and letters from my grandma who passed in 2001. The words people put on paper can make you or break you. Especially if you care about that person. I found the one and only letter my husband ever wrote me. It was not a love letter, but it had a lot of love in it. It was written when I was pregnant in 1992, before I lost the baby. He ended with lots of love to me and a kiss to be placed in my tummy for the baby. He was in South America and I was here with my family. I read that letter and realized how much that man really loved me. I didn't dare ask him to read it and confirm that he still loves me that much. Two pretty healthy kids later, we are not the same people we were then. I do think I loved him a lot then, but more now. Love grows or it dies. It can never stay the same. That was my grand enlightenment!