Sunday, April 11, 2010

Slipping - Diary 38

rain Pictures, Images and Photos


Can you say, let’s throw diet out the window, say fuck it and eat everything on the south side of the house? Yes we can! And did!

Sometimes we are so good and the pounds drop one by one, two by two and twenty five.

This weekend was a hard weekend, but there have been other ones. This one was hard for reasons I don’t want to detail. I’m at the end of my patience, the tip of the iceberg has been chopped off. Tired of seeing the crazies loose, tired of listening to the daily complaints, the stress of the upcoming wedding I’ll look awful for, and the bullshit of the daily grind. Thank god for that man that I profess love for on a daily basis. He sets me straight.

Freaking migraines that prevent me from blowing my nose without pain.

I gave up today, I ate bananas, strawberries, bread, a freaking donut, hazelnut coffee, some ice tea and a god damn hazelnut coffee (I typed that twice for effect). Yes, I had all that today plus a steak. No potatoes, just tomato and corn as accompaniment. Had to draw the line somewhere. The bread was so good, the sub kind, it melted in my mouth; or my mouth was so hot from drooling the bread just slid through. Sick, I know.

Denial of my current state of affairs drove me to watch 5 episodes in a row of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then RuPauls show for the rest of the afternoon. In between those shows, I went to the market, bought three pairs of shoes (guys, shoes NEVER make you look fat and they always fit), helped my husband with the driveway, my son with his homework, made lunch and dinner, did 5 loads of laundry, cleaned the stove/oven and talked to my friend L.

I do a lot when I’m on a self pity quest.

My mom is leaving on Friday with my grandfather so he can have surgery with his dr. in South America, and I won’t be there to help. What if something goes wrong and he dies? Why doesn’t anyone every want to talk about these things, everyone rather just press the ignore button and ride along as if nothing? What if Friday morning is the last day I see the man I love so much? Why can’t he have the surgery here? Why do I feel like I’m about to blow, and not anyone that will thank me for it later?

Well, I just finished watching Sherlock Holmes and now I’m all dreamy of Sherlock Holmes. My friend got drunk all afternoon, and I ate all things bad for me. What a pair we make. I know he’ll be ok by tomorrow, recovering from his personal crisis, while I can’t be sure of what tomorrow will bring. Dude, you sent me muffins and chocolate kisses. I still think you rock big time for that.

One thing is for sure. Lil C calling me aunt S, and sending me kisses over the phone while saying ok ok ok ok made me smile when I didn’t think I could.

Tomorrow I have to start from 0 again, what a fucking drag.

At least I have my sanity.

Hey, at least I don’t pretend my life is perfect…so there.

Note: it’s pretty close to perfect though.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just have to say "F**k it"!! Tomorrow is a new day, so pick yourself up, dust off and get back out there.

All I can say for certain, when it comes to your Grandfather...you give him the biggest hug, look him in the eyes and say "I LOVE YOU"!

Hang in there and know I'm here for you. ;)

Sending lots of love and hugz!

D

Anonymous said...

I love you. You'll always have a stalker. She's not always beautiful, but she thinks you are.

SM said...

D - I'm good now. Unfortunately, he's at my uncles house until Friday so I won't get to see him until then.
Oh well, all will take care of itself.

If this is my Beautiful Stalker, I love you too, if it is another sort of stalker then, I'm creeped out haha
I've never had an ugly friend (just saying)

Laura said...

Umm...where exactly is your sanity in this blog?LOL j/k
Actually, it is sane to lose out sanity once in a while. Playing by the rules ALL the time is NO fun.
Don't beat yourself up too much for breaking some rules...It only helps you see what's good for you.
But that bread...my, my, it's just worth breaking anything!LOL

I hope your grandpa is going to be alright. I'm sure he's on good hands. Smile and let him know you'll be there with him in spirit.:)

"Starting from o"? That doesn't look like a zero to me. It's "o" from Optimism.:)

MUAH!

SM said...

meh, I rather be me sans sanity sometimes.

It's all good. Life back to normal, or whatever normal is in my life.

I'll miss him for sure. He'll miss me too. :) that's how love goes.

Jerry said...

It has to be psychologically and emotionally fulfilling to relieve all the stress by simply letting go.

But if you are ready to go back dieting again -- have I got a plan for you. It is my theory that humans were only supposed to eat to sustain life, and not to enjoy their food. That is where humankind went wrong -- they started liking their food.

So I figure what we should do is only eat foods that we hate. That way intake would be minimal and we would be fulfilling the original intent of eating. Cool, huh?

You could be the test subject. I'll write about your experience and we could make millions.

Are you excited?

No?

Oh.

I'm just blabbering...I figure if you got a long note you would figure that I really enjoy your blog. And I do.

SM said...

I love it. I will be your test subject and I'll start on a list of things I hate to eat. The list is short....I like everything. I'm a food whore

You enjoyed my blog? yey!!! oxooo

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I don't know if this will help, but I'm in EXACTLY the same boat as you! My husband and I just returned from a short road trip, but I managed to eat every unhealthy food for miles and miles!

I just got home and vowed to start over again and eat only healthy. Sigh! It never ends, huh? Good luck to us both!!

Anonymous said...

Good for you...every now and then, one needs to take a time out to enjoy and indulge in the things that make us feel warm and fuzzy.

Layla from L.A.

Anonymous said...

Dude. I'm bored.

Kristin said...

I tend to marathon tv sesh it up when I'm bummin' too!