How high can we go? - Diary 5

What you get is exactly what you give
Never really know until you try
We're so ahead of this
Got this she wolf appetite that keeps me up all night
You know the way it works don't be afraid to ask
Aim high when the target is low
FYI I am ready to go
People say men are just like kids
Never saw a kid behave like this





While watching Shakira on the Lopez Tonight show I was wondering if I could move my hips like that ever again. I think my hips will lie and with just cause.

Today I went with Alexa’s Spanish class to watch Don Quijote De La Mancha at the Repertorio Espanol in NYC. It was pretty good and the kids seemed to enjoy it. They don’t realize how much culture they are missing. They find these trips tedious but hey, they miss school for a day. I wish we could make them all understand how precious all these works of arts are. The guy at the theater said “what Cervantes did with Don Quijote and Sancho Pansa has been and is used in shows nowadays” I totally told the mom next to me. Miami Vice? And she said…you are dating yourself. Yikes, I’m old.

I made some amazing meatballs and ziti tonight and totally cheated on my strict diet. It’s not my fault I love my cooking people. I’m not saying the world should but I happen to like my dishes but shit I do. Especially my sauce and everything else I make. The only thing everyone likes but I don’t is the sweet potato thing I make. I just don’t like sweet potato.

Do you have an inside gangster chick or dude? I was watching Sandra being transformed from sweetheart to chola girl and I was wondering how taking a sharpie to my eyebrows does my image. Hey vato! Orale and shit.

I want to get a scooter, a red scooter! I know I would look so good on a red scooter. Can you picture me? Well do it and you’ll realize how damn good I’d look on it? Riding around my town and just laughing at the idiots in their cars (my family pointing and laughing will not keep them out of harms way). Maybe I can scoot my way over some assholes yard and ride over all their stupid retarded decorations on their yard. Yeah, because I’ll be a chola red scooter riding beoch. Can you picture that now?

I could write 5 entries on parenting this week. I’m not going to. I’m sure one of these days my kid will read my entries and get traumatized enough as is.

My friend did call me today and tell me she had sex on her new pullout couch. I think she rocks! I will never seat on her couch and not do a shimmy shimmy shake shake on it.

Love you, peace out and insert gangster sign here.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 4

I’d like to make myself believe – That planet earth turns slowly – It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep – ‘Cause everything is never as it seems. Owl City

I wanted to blog on Saturday and Sunday but I didn’t have the energy to do it. To summarize, my friend went through a horrible ordeal and although she’s now ok, I still feel awful she had to go through such a bad time.

I cleaned the house and bitched about the dog hairs until Carlos shaved most of Kias’ hair and now there will be less. She likes it or so it seems and she’s a lot less raggedy. She had so much loose hair that was everywhere no matter how much I vacuumed. I am somewhat allergic to it but I live with it because I love that dog. Nothing I can do about the fact that she’s not some doodle dog that was created for my sensitive nose. I know she wants me to hug her all the time and now with less hair I can do that. Noone is as happy as she when I get home after being out all day. She knocks me down with her tail and jumps up at me to hug me.
Christmas is coming and this year has been hard, but not just for us, everyone seems to be in the same boat. That is all I have to say about that.

I was doing great weight wise, sugar wise, but then I had to see a picture of myself that made me gag. How can all these people tell me that I look great and then I see a picture and see how awful I look? People should get some sort of electric shock when they lie to you about looks, don’t you think? I do, and since I’m talking to myself here I’d have to agree with me.

On other news I am having fun watching the resident turkey run around like a maniac around our building. I’ve taken pictures of this animal as if he was the cute kid that gave me a crooked smile.

Went to Borders today and almost bought 10 books but this economy has my book habit on hold, like I may have to go to the library and take a book out..eeeeeek. I happen to love building my library, but I will take out books and not miss out on reading some wonderful classics. I’m just so bad with returning them.

Allright, time to get positive. Ready, set, go…get it done! Get going! Get moving and not to the refrigerator where it seems we all want to go in the winter.

Scott said he made lemon poppy muffins today and I have spent all day craving a muffin but resisted the urge to stop by starbucks and get one of those vanilla bean ones.

We have a Brittish client that says “brilliant” in her brit accent and I love it! Everytime we email she writes back “brilliant”, and when I hear it in my head I put the brit accent and it sounds awesome. I’ve decided to be brittish for a day. I’m going to change my voice mail to sound brittish too. What do you think? I will say brilliant and superb a lot. I will drink more tea and stick my pinky out. Can you picture it?

Well darlings, I think we’ve covered enough without covering very much. Time to pinch my lil finger and test the good ‘ol blood mates.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 3

Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful. They can all get fucked, just be true to you. ~Beautiful by Eminem~


After poking myself this morning to check on my sugar levels I noticed that my fingers are full of little pokes from all the times I have been doing it. I am not an easy bleeder so sometimes I have to do it twice ~BITCH~ just to get a drop to place on the little strip. I used two fingers the most and I guess the Dr. was right, use all of your fingers. Amazing how quickly tips heal because I don’t feel any pain when I type.

Driving to work this morning I got stuck on I95 after the toll due to a truck spilling gasoline all over (I am assuming this by the smell.) As I was stuck listening to my iPod really loudly I noticed a bunch of people doing things in their car. There was the dude picking his nose as if he thought gold was going to appear at the end of his nostril, the girl doing her makeup and almost hitting the car in front of her about 10 times, the woman with the dog in the car who wanted to jump into the front seat so she kept swerving all over, and last but not least the 50 or so year old guy flexing his muscles and staring at himself in the mirror. I had to drive by this dude the most amount of time. What I thought was funnier is that the song on my iPod was Beautiful by Eminem. I cranked it up and he looked at me and flexed his arm. I gave him a thumbs up which was a mistake because he lowered his window and asked for my number. Oy! It was funny, but I guess you had to be there. 50 degrees out and the guy is wearing a tank top and flexing. Did I mention he kept flexing?

I spent most of my day with mom yesterday and it was good. When we drove past the cemetery she got all annoyed and asked me if there were more dead people in there. I was texting and just answered, of course mom, it’s a cemetery. She meant in that corner of the cemetery but I wasn’t being a good listener. That whole conversation cracked me up and I realized that when you feel better, you laugh quicker and you are happy more. The key to happiness is to find your healthy spot. I like it. Now it is time to enforce it, and work towards it.

Stressing over what to make for Thanksgiving kills the mood. I want it to be special, better than last year and the year before that. I want my house to be sparkly and free of dog hair (in-fucking-possible). I over think everything, from the turkey to the potatoes. Last year I did these mashed potatoes with garlic, but the garlic burn a little and it didn’t make the potatoes look good (they tasted good, but didn’t look so good). Last year was also the year that I found this amazing recipe for sweet potatoes. Everyone keeps asking me for it and wanting me to make it. I love it. Here is the recipe if you are interested. I got it from www.allrecipes.com

Sweet Potato Bake

3 cups cold mashed sweet potatoes (NO milk or butter)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup butter softened
3 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup flour
2 tablespoons cold butter

Directions:
In a mixing bowl, beat sweet potatoes, sugar, milk, butter, eggs, salt and vanilla until smooth.

Transfer to a greased baking dish. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, pecans and flour, cut in butter until crumbly. Sprinkle over potato mixture. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees F for 45 to 50 minutes or until golden brown.

Enjoy my pretties and “stalker” thanks for the email. It was good to get the virtual breathing.

How low do you need to go - Diary 2

That same day my friend Lisa (and also co-worker) told me of a request for someone “addicted to soda” to write into a show and see if they would get picked to appear. I’m sure she didn’t think I’d write it, but then I’m also certain that she thinks I’m nuts.


I wrote an email that I thought was pretty funny (and they seem to agree). Honestly, I was being silly because I was already in a foul mood that my Dr. told me no more soda, no more this, no more that and no more of the other thing.


Two hours later I get a phone call from the producer of the show and he asked if I could go to the studio the next day and be on the program. I hesitated and thought about it a lot. I’m 40, I do not want to make a fool of myself (yet I did, I’m so sure of it). They sent a limo for me and did my hair and makeup. I looked great. My Facebook picture is one Alexa took after I got home and still had the hair and makeup done. Cherry on top…they sent a limo to take me to the studio and to pick me up. I can’t talk about the show and what I did, but when it airs (if they ever do), I will surely let everyone know to watch, point, laugh, rewind and repeat.


I’ve been off soda for a whole month now, I’m amazed that all it took was hitting bottom to see that I happen to like living and hanging out with my family. It sounds drastic right? I’m just being dramatic for effect, I never let myself HIT bottom, I just graze it and then I pull myself up and out. It’s a skill many would pay to learn, I’m sure.


We’ve been having dinners with my family every Tuesday for the past 2 months. I love it! I really do! I feel so complete right now, like life has taken a giant step and full circle is steps closer. I believe that everything we do is to get us closer to completing the circle. You can close your eyes and imagine it, make it any color you like. Mine is red with hints of sparkles. Sometimes when big events happen I can imagine it moving forward, and sometimes I can see it pulling back. We all need something to push us in the right direction, a little something to make us believe that one day it will all make sense and we can be finally completely happy. No one but those who have come full circle knows what complete happiness is. I wonder where they are. I’d like to meet with them and pick their brain. They might be too happy to give a shit about meeting with me though. No room for me once the circle is complete, how sad, they will miss out on knowing me.


This year has been a fun and funky one. I turned 40, hung out with friends, loved fully, was loved in return and the negatives are forgotten and buried. I truly wish everyone that has come and gone from my life the very best. I’m in a wonderful and scary place and hope for positive energy to come my way. It’s not always possible but I hope for it. Let’s all wish and open ourselves to move closer to a full circle.


My sushi is here so I’m going down to get me some! Peace and love bitches.

A little shout out to my stalker, I’ll be waiting for the heavy breath phone call.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 1

How low do you have sink before you start to claw your way up? Sometimes we must venture pretty low. I know you may expecting a big confession of sex, drugs, sex, drama…..sex, but I must totally disappoint you; for now.


After months of feeling like crap I decided to be mature about it and call a Dr. Sadly, I had no primary physician and had to do all this research to find one. Well, that’s not true; I did a search with my provider and looked for the one that was closest to my job. I found a Dr. pretty quickly, and I’m glad because she’s wonderful and understanding.


I made my appointment and went to get a blood test two days before. When I got to the building I almost bailed. When you know the outcome of something, and you know the outcome will not make you happy; inevitably you want to bail right? I told myself to grow up and took the elevator. I know I should have taken the stairs but I didn’t know how bad it was going to be or I would have.

The waiting room had a bunch of different types of people, all older and mostly falling apart. I asked to use the ladies room and almost died. A man had gone before me and when he came out and I went in I gagged with such force I almost puked right there. The stench in this lovely decorated bathroom was absolutely disgusting, but like so many months I had to pee so badly it was not even funny. I held my breath and did the deed. When I walked out of the bathroom a nurse passed me and made a face. OMG, she totally thought it had been me who left the horrific stench, but it wasn’t. I wanted to yell it out but the man was sitting right outside and he looked so sad in his wheelchair.


The nurse comes outside and calls me in. The Dr. is this younger woman, maybe a year or two older than me. Get it? YOUNG woman of maybe 42 or so. She has me sit in the chair and proceeds to change my life. All I heard was your sugar count is off the roof, your cholesterol is pretty high, your lives is having problems, but that’s probably due to you not having your gall bladder, blah, blah, blah, you have diabetes. I looked up then and I know I had tears in my eyes. There was no way I just heard Diabetes coming out of her mouth. It made sense, the peeing all the time, losing weight without a reason, pain in my feet when I walked, tired, irritable (that may just be me, not the diabetes). I imagined a whole opening up in the ground and just swallowing me in. I wished for it more than I’ve wished for anything. If I didn’t look stupid, I would have smacked myself a couple of times. It’s not like I didn’t already know this was coming, but I had to get to that low to feel the need to change everything.

This started a whole chain of events....