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Who are you? really.
Today I was asked to take a poll about friendships. The question was: If you know your friend is doing something wrong that is hurting his/her relationship with you and others. Do you tell him/her? Do you not tell them?
She wanted no "depends". It had to be yes or no. I was on the depends fence until I decided to either say yes or no.
I said YES. It's not always well received though. You can have the best of intentions and get slapped in the face. I'm sorry for anyone that has go through friendship crisis. They can consume you, specially if you truly are a good person and you not sure what to do. Noone wants to be mean and risk losing their friends. Everyone has feelings.
It got me thinking about my past relationships. You can totally put something so far in the back of your mind, yet one question can bring it all right back, front and center.
After a series of unfortunate events, I learned to be teflon and not sponge. People can be vicious, but I make no excuses, I let myself be dragged there, to the bottom of the pit. To be honest, I really wanted to be a part of a fun group, to fit in, to do what I've always read about; fun vacations, sharing books, sob stories, dreams...you get the point.
There is a very dark side to friendships, they can end in a very cruel way. Again, no excuses, I really had fun for a while.
Have you ever become so fascinated with a group of people that you know you best step off, but you just can't? That was me. Two years of it. But it wasn't all a waste. I did manage to salvage some friendships that were neglected while the saga was going on. I got my sanity back and I can't blame anyone for it going away.
I am lucky. My family always came first and they pulled me right back up. Eventually, I also pulled myself back up, and have not looked back, no need to regret anything. Experiences make you grow and become a better human being. I was a good person before, now I'm a better person that is a lot more guarded.
This is my story, my diary, not a literary gem. Just my experience, and I'm lucky. It's all going back to that place where I really don't need access to.
11 comments:
I agree, experience makes you grow and mature. Good for you for coming to terms with this! Sounds like you have an awesome, supportive family!
Just wanted to drop by and thank you for visiting and following my blog! I'm glad you did, now I'm following you, too! Cheers!
I was so tickled to see that you had the "Carolyn Finzer" experience. I turn 50 this year and I want to grow-up to be just like her, too! She reminds me of that country song, "I was country before country was cool." Carolyn has been "going green" before it was called "going green." She feels things, listens to things, with such an open and artistic heart and mind that I found myself becoming quieter and more aware, also.
Regarding your most recent post. I had a girlfriend who was really going through a very, very hard time and she was making me a little bit crazy. I let her have it one day (used the F word). This is one of those things that I have a hard time looking at because it is just so horrible and embarrassing and base. I wish I had never done it but I also know that, presented with the exact same situation, I would do the exact same thing (maybe not the F word, at least not as many times).
There was something inside me that make that stand. I hate it, I guess. But it is me and sometimes, just like Popeye the sailor man, I just gots to be me. I yam what I yam.
I hope that most times I yam sweet and warm and empathetic but on those isolated incidents when I felt like lines had been crossed, I did get a little aggressive. The relationship changed but the underlying cause for the change was always present and didn't make for a great relationship for me, anyway.
Hmm. I guess that was the long answer.
Short answer: Sometimes you have to be your own best friend and take care of yourself.
Love your blog!
I entered a writing contest at MORE Magazine. The voting ends tomorrow and I could sure use a few extra thumbs up. Any chance you could help me out?
The link is:
http://www.more.com/11079/12521-success-in-the-suburbs
Thanks so much for following my work!
Warm Regards,
Denise
@anythingfitsanakedman - The name of your blog cracks me up. I learned a lot about my family going through different experiences. My middle brother has been my best friend since he was one and I was 10. :)
Thanks for following me, not sure where I'm going, but I love the company.
@Denise - GIRL I voted yesterday. I'll go today again and see if I can vote again. You had around 91 votes when I went yesterday.
I do hate getting that angry at ANYONE. The F word is certainly not my favorite, and I still can't say the C word out loud (no matter how many times my friend Lisa tries to get me to say it). I do feel some women are the C word.
I hope you and your friend made up. It is sucky when you get side swipped by a friendship and then wonder, how the hell did we get here?
I loved your long answer and definetly your short one. It took me a long time to realize that I had to be my own best friend. Funny thing, I'm sure many women don't realize that you have to be your own best friend and watch your own back once in a while.
xoxoxox
OK. I just realized that you did not know Carolyn Finzer. I meant that comment for my buddy Missy, however, the rest of the stuff ... It was just for you!
Yeah. The sign that my husband has gone to his "dark place" is when he uses the "C" word. It is usually when he's super upset about his ex-wife and his heart strings have been yanked one too many times, which means that it has something to do with thier three kids (my step-kids).
It is a scary thing when that word presents itself.
I am going to try to get together with that friend this week, as a matter of fact. We hugged on the street yesterday but I could feel the "F" word was still lingering between us. Since feelings don't exist in isolation, she probably felt it too.
Thanks for encouraging me to mend.
xoxoxo, too.
Thanks for the vote! Just one vote per email address at MORE Magazine!
I was wondering who that was haha, I went to look her up too.
When it comes to frienships I always moved away after something happened, but things can be mended, restored. Maybe not to original state but the original state was where the problem lied so good luck and go with an open mind. Keep the F word at home haha.
The C word makes me cringe haha
Losing friends because of unnecessary drama is one of the worst experiences we can go through.
But...
I learned to be teflon and not sponge.
That's why you shouldn't have any regrets. It's the best lesson that can be learned.
Teflon has our back. :)
Family is very important to a lot of people. You can always make new friends but you only get one family.
Everything is dependent upon circumstances. "Family" can be the worst thing, too. Everyone's situation is not the same.
I'm glad you've learned a lesson. I'm proud of you, SM.
Laura - It was certainly an eye opener and I didn't see it coming, and that's probably why it was so hurtful.
Thanks for listening ;) it helped.
Alex - you don't pick your family (or maybe you do) ;)
I love mine, enough to always listen to them.
Blase - thankfully we've worked out a lot of our issues and we are now rocking and rolling, but I do understand what you are saying.
aww thanks.
This one really got me thinking. I thought I was going to come up with some great answer...NOT!
I'd have to say yes, you say something. If the friendship is for real, I'd like to think that you could share your thoughts.
I've had friends, that for some reason or another have just got lost along the way and I'm really not sure why we stopped talking. I often wonder about them and hope they are doing alright. I'm weird like that, even if the person screwed me over, I hope they're doing okay. And for some of them, if they were to call me tomorrow and need my help, I'd probably be there for them...IDK, that's just who I am.
I'm happy you got back up! ;)
xoxo
D
I'm like you when it comes to that. I do feel bad and hope everyone is doing ok.
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