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All over the place. That’s how my mind feels lately. All over the place.
The weekend was slamming. I went out with friends into the city and had dinner at a fantastic French restaurant and went to some fun clubs. Some of those images will never leave my mind. Watching a 60 year old chick get her ass smacked is not my idea of a good time. Who am I kidding? I loved it.
I have been hanging out with my grandpa every day after work and I enjoy it for the most part.
Keeping a positive attitude is hard when the man you adore forgets he saw you yesterday. Everyday I get the opportunity to make a new fresh impression on him. He remembers the past and loves to talk about things, but today, five minutes ago, that’s gone in a flash. Swoosh, gone. I ask him a lot of questions about the past, about his childhood. I’m trying to get all the information I didn’t pay close attention to before.
There were 8 of them in the house and when his parents asked them to take a nap he would go to their room. To him it looked like a hospital. All the beds lined up one next to the other. Boys and girls. He said his prettiest sister was Josefina and I ask him, “do I look like her?” and he says “yes, you look just like her”. My dad says, “no, I heard you looked like his sister Maria” but my grandpa argues, “I knew my sisters, I know which she looks like and Josefina was the prettiest one”. I love it. My ego gets fed every night and as selfish as that may sound, I will take it. I need it right now.
He’s gone to my uncles house for the weekend. I’m sure they will be really nice to him, but I’ll miss my nightly visit to my moms house to spend a while “shooting the shit” and asking a million questions.
He still mentions his gf but less and less every day. He has sudden attack of “where am I?“ “why am I here?“, but not when I’m around. Maybe because I push him into another time, another place and he tells me stories. I feel like I want to tape him, write it all down. I don’t know what to do, but I want to do something.
V had his last day today. I will miss him so much. I wanted to give him something to remember me by so I got him a new James Patterson book that came out this week, and a funny card. I think he liked the gift and I hope he has fun reading his favorite author. Things are always changing, people are always moving on. Does it look bad that I don’t move on? Weak? Or can it be that I like what I do. A more positive attitude is what I have to acquire starting next week. Vs departure made me sad and maybe my attitude was not so good the past week.
A got to go out today and I think she had a good time. She didn’t come home as excited as she usually does, but I didn’t want to pry. Sometimes she can keep things to herself and share when she feels like it. She is planning for another party here next week and I’m glad. I hope they keep enjoying the house and the fun things they can do here.
I learned that my friend L lost her dad a few days ago. I’m so sorry for her, I’m not sure what else to say. I’m sorry you lost your dad and I’m glad you were there to spend time with him.
Well, more later.
BTW, I had such a bad day today I ate 3 godiva chocolates at the mall and bought a sound system for my husband for Valentines Day. At least I avoided the tattoo parlors, it was tempting. A big LOSER tattoo on my forehead. Nah, I shall come out VICTORIOUS, why? Because my grandpa thinks I’m amazing.
12 comments:
I'll tell you something from my personal experience. My grandmother was in a similar situation. She lived with us and by the time I was 22, she got really bad; life long diabetes affected her memory and her sense of reality. She ended up believing that I was my Mom (her daughter) and that Mom was me. Although she couldn't remember last week, her memories of the past were intact.
She constantly wanted to show me pictures and tell me stories. Just like your grandpa, she had a big family (6 sisters and a brother, all scattered around the world). The story of her family was incredible. What I did was to sit down with her almost every day and listen.
Then I realized that all that will be lost if I don't do something. My love for her and for writing gave me the idea...I put together a special photo-journal with her family pictures and 1 page long little stories next to them. It is one of the most important family treasures that we have, especially now that she's been gone for almost 10 years.
I think you would enjoy doing something like that with your gradfather. You have him now.:)
...And thank you for your kindness. It means a lot.
Most definitely take advantage of the time with your grandfather. It wasn't until after mine passed, that I learned of some of the things he achieved and would love to have him back to hear the stories to go with them.
D
PS. He's not the only one that thinks you're amazing! ;)
It seems that the demon named loss has been making the rounds.
I have been looking forward to another post from you. I like the way you express yourself thanks.
Laura - that's a great idea, I'll start something. I wish I had pictures to go with it. Not sure where all the pictures are.
D baby - thanks. I'm trying to absorb as much as possible.
Alex - loss is everywhere...bad bad demon.
thanks for liking how i express myself...it's wonderful to hear.
Oh, that has got to be so hard - watching someone deteriorate like that. Definitely agree with the others and get something down on paper before it's too late.
Oh, and, um, I hate half a cake today so don't feel so bad. Will power, anyone?
I'm trying to write it down but he laughs and thinks I'm nuts.
half a cake? what kind of cake? haha ;)
You are doing the nicest thing that can be done for end of life people, spend some time with them.
God bless you for that.
Secretia
:) he's made my life wonderful and he deserves the very best.
i think you're amazing too. i love the way you write .
:) you just made me smile wide!
thanks!
nice post. thanks.
:)
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