Thursday, February 4, 2010

She loved him - Diary 24

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Then….

She said she loved him forever.
She made sure she was the only one with him at all times.
She tried every which way to cut ties with the family.
She told me many times he was not around when he was.
She told him we didn't care.
She told him I never called, when I did.
She gossiped and lied to make everyone divided.
She caused all this trouble because she was afraid to be left alone.
She hurt my family and she hurt me. We let her.

Now….

She told more than one person she could not take it anymore.
She thought we’d help her with him.
She continues to lie.
She told everyone we didn’t care.
She stole.
She tried to dirty his name.
She made up conversations to be hurtful.
She didn’t count on me outing her.
She is all alone.
She will never see him again.
She’s 80 years old and not one person gives a shit about her.

One of the most important men in my life is with me again. I have the most conflicting feelings. If they (my dad and uncle) had brought him to live with us two years ago when I told them he was slipping, we could have enjoyed him healthier. Now he forgets everything. Not the past, he recalls that vividly. The present, that he saw you, that he hugged you, that, he forgets within minutes.

In the last week I’ve had to repeat my kids age, where they are, where my husband is, where I was about 100 times. Yet I cut his nails on Monday, and when I asked him on Tuesday and Wednesday who cut his nails, he says. Well, you did!. Exercise the mind I say and, I get laughed at.

He remembers riding his bike with me on it when I was 4 and 5. He recalls clearly taking me to the nun school everyday and how much I loved the bike ride. How happy we were together. He remembers what a wonderful man my husband is, how much he loves me, and how he taught me to cook. He eats my cooking and makes me feel like I could own a 5 star restaurant. He always did that for me. Made me feel special and yet, I abandoned him for years because I just didn’t fight hard enough to have him around. He mentioned her twenty times a day the first few days because he doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t realize her mind is fine and she’s sick of him. I wonder how happy she’ll be with her mind intact and all alone, yet for the first few days he missed her and wanted to call her all the time. Yesterday he only mentioned her twice and none when I was around. Maybe he sensed that I don’t like hearing her name, but I will not be disrespectful and say something mean.

My kids are happy with him here. I told E that grandpa didn’t have any friends right now so he went over and played with grandpa. Unfortunately E doesn’t like to speak Spanish so he’s found a way for them to understand each other. Grandpa has been a kid at heart for as long as I remember. A loves playing cards which means she’s found her perfect partner. Grandpa played cards with me a zillion times. Exercise the mind I say, and I get laughed at.

Today I get to do it all over again, and I don’t mind it one bit as long as he remembers riding his bike with me on it and taking me to school.

To be continued….

19 comments:

Michelloui said...

Hey thanks for stopping by my blog and saying hello! This is a really interesting blog--fascinating story about your grandparents. I feel so sad for them.

Looking forward to seeing you at mine again!

SM said...

She's not my grandmother (thank god), she met him 20 years ago and took him back to Spain and far from us.
He is the best story!! :) I just have to find all the words to tell it.

I'm home sick today and your blog made me use all my tissues haha ;) I'll be back for SURE.

Anonymous said...

I remember seeing a picture of you and your grandpa and you were wearing the biggest smile! I'm glad he is with his loving family now. :)

And yes, exercise the mind every chance you get.

(((HUGZ)))

D

Laura said...

Grandparents and grandkids are wonderful together! They're going to enjoy every day...learning, playing and exercising the mind.:)

I hope you find time to write the story. Sounds like a really good one.

Get better soon!!xoxoxo

BS said...

He remembers cause he loves you. So very much. I'd bet even more than you him, if that's even possible! :)

I'm so glad he's with you.

J said...

I've already given you my thoughts on this. But I'll repeat this... love him as hard as you can. I know you will. You always have. If you ever need someone to talk to that's been there, call me.

SM said...

D. - that blog I did on myspace about my visit haha. That was a while back, great memory.

Laura - He's still in and out wondering why he's here and then when he's going back home? he just needs a familiar place and hopefully he'll adjust slowly.

BS - He walked me down the isle....he makes me happy and I hope I do the same for him.

J - thanks for always being such a great friend to me and helping me deal with how hard it is to be forgotten. xo

Laura said...

I'm sure he'll feel comfortable soon, your love and little E's playfulness will help a lot.: )
Your home will become a familiar place for him because people feel like home where they are truly loved.

Blasé said...

He is a lucky man. One day we might be in his shoes and need an open home.

Anonymous said...

I missed that blog, it must of been before I got to myspace. But you had the picture in one of your albums. I remember what part of the house you were in though. ;)

xoxo
D

Alex said...

Boy! this is quite humbling. Here I was thinking I was hard done by lately.

SM said...

L - he's at my uncles for the weekend so on monday we will have him back.

D- it was my moms kitchen, I have that pic framed upstairs in my house.

Blase - my memory is my best asset...losing it will really upset me...but then, I won't remember.
Hopefully my kids will love me enough to figure out what to do with me.

Alex - Hi! it happens to me often. Just when you think your life is complicated...you meet someone that has a more complicated situation. Noone is alone ;)

CG said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I was absolutely fascinated by your post about your grandpa. I was so happy to hear that he is enjoying spending time with your kids after all that has happened!

~ Tabitha ~ said...

Wow..what a powerful and touching read..thanks for sharing,SM

SM said...

thanks lovey!
I'm almost done with the next entry ;)
xoxox

Alex said...

Okay Sandy baby, time for another post.

SM said...

It's coming Alex baby, I've just had a very tough work week and I was not in a good mood to write.
xo

SM said...

CG, thank you! I enjoyed your blog a lot and i'm glad you liked mine. i'll keep writing ;)

Secretia said...

This is a sad but touchingly beautiful poem and story.

Secretia