Thursday, February 4, 2010
She loved him - Diary 24
She said she loved him forever.
She made sure she was the only one with him at all times.
She tried every which way to cut ties with the family.
She told me many times he was not around when he was.
She told him we didn't care.
She told him I never called, when I did.
She gossiped and lied to make everyone divided.
She caused all this trouble because she was afraid to be left alone.
She hurt my family and she hurt me. We let her.
She told more than one person she could not take it anymore.
She thought we’d help her with him.
She continues to lie.
She told everyone we didn’t care.
She tried to dirty his name.
She made up conversations to be hurtful.
She didn’t count on me outing her.
She is all alone.
She will never see him again.
She’s 80 years old and not one person gives a shit about her.
One of the most important men in my life is with me again. I have the most conflicting feelings. If they (my dad and uncle) had brought him to live with us two years ago when I told them he was slipping, we could have enjoyed him healthier. Now he forgets everything. Not the past, he recalls that vividly. The present, that he saw you, that he hugged you, that, he forgets within minutes.
In the last week I’ve had to repeat my kids age, where they are, where my husband is, where I was about 100 times. Yet I cut his nails on Monday, and when I asked him on Tuesday and Wednesday who cut his nails, he says. Well, you did!. Exercise the mind I say and, I get laughed at.
He remembers riding his bike with me on it when I was 4 and 5. He recalls clearly taking me to the nun school everyday and how much I loved the bike ride. How happy we were together. He remembers what a wonderful man my husband is, how much he loves me, and how he taught me to cook. He eats my cooking and makes me feel like I could own a 5 star restaurant. He always did that for me. Made me feel special and yet, I abandoned him for years because I just didn’t fight hard enough to have him around. He mentioned her twenty times a day the first few days because he doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t realize her mind is fine and she’s sick of him. I wonder how happy she’ll be with her mind intact and all alone, yet for the first few days he missed her and wanted to call her all the time. Yesterday he only mentioned her twice and none when I was around. Maybe he sensed that I don’t like hearing her name, but I will not be disrespectful and say something mean.
My kids are happy with him here. I told E that grandpa didn’t have any friends right now so he went over and played with grandpa. Unfortunately E doesn’t like to speak Spanish so he’s found a way for them to understand each other. Grandpa has been a kid at heart for as long as I remember. A loves playing cards which means she’s found her perfect partner. Grandpa played cards with me a zillion times. Exercise the mind I say, and I get laughed at.
Today I get to do it all over again, and I don’t mind it one bit as long as he remembers riding his bike with me on it and taking me to school.
To be continued….