What's in there

I have not written in a while, and it's not for lack of material.

While I've been gone, I've read an entire series by JR Ward about hot vampire men. I've re-organized my closet, my daughters closet and my son's closet. I didn't let them touch a thing for a week. Thankfully for them, I'm over it.

Two nights ago my husband asked me if my mind was ever blank. He thinks I'm always thinking and thinking...and thinking. Sadly he's right. I think too much, I tear situations apart in my mind to the point that they end up dust. Not the best thing to do. I was thinking about what he asked me when I picked this red piece of thread from my jacket and let it fall to the ground. I'm happy to report that while I watched that thread dance in the air and softly hit the carpet, my mind was blank. Promptly after it hit the ground I started thinking about weight. Someone really light and think will fall to the ground and it might be as graceful as the threat whereas a heavy person like me would not look so graceful. I started thinking how much I miss being graceful and thin. I got in the car and looked in the mirror. To my horror there was that hair that continues to come out on my chin. This fucker doesn't know when to stop. I pulled it, winced and thought back to the thread. I can't explain how pretty the dance it did in the air was. I suggest you take a piece of red thread and let it go, watch it fall, and be delighted by the dance. Your mind will just be blank.

Anyway, I remembered I had this account and thought it fit to come and see if my words to the universe were heard by anyone.

Hello, anyone out there?

A hope - Diary 40

Offense - Dog running at large. This the latest thing to happen in my wonderful life. My dog decided that she needed a stroll down the main avenue to visit with the kids. By the time my husband noticed, someone had called the cops. Thanks neighbors, you all suck ass. Except my neighbor across the street who took my dog and told the cop to wait for my husband because she is a fucking sweetheart (insert Eminem lyrics here)the dog, not the human. Now my husband has a court date for 'dog running at large'. I was 2 hours late getting home, I'm always home at this time and she's with me.

I wish I could write in my own column, but then would it piss everyone off if I tell their tales? Of course I'd have a pair of expert eyes edit my column, but not so much it would take the feeling from my words. I like my words to convey feelings.

Funny things happen to me a lot. People do great stuff around me, and have the best stories, but I can't share them. How fucked up is that? My kids alone would give me a ton of new material daily. I know I often sport the "what the hell is wrong with you?" face.

It's frustrating to know how fun it will be to write these great things, but I can't. Well, maybe if I change the names to protect the not-so-innocent. No worries, I don't have enough discipline to write everything down, just have some great stories for when I'm old and bored.

Remember the time I said "it's google beoch" and you said, "what is that?" and I said "google?". You said "No, what is beoch"? and I said, "omg, you really need to learn some lingo" and you said, "I'm really out of it, my kid calls me grandma".
I thought that was pretty freaking funny.

How about when my dad told me that he was so distracted he left the house and used the car key control to close the door. He heard the beep from the car that was parked closeby, and thought the door was closed. Classic baby. You can't make this shit up.

This morning E gets out of the car and says - "MOM, see this mark here, it's a spider bite. I didn't tell you, and now the venom is all inside me. I'm Spiderman." I told him, Ok E just don't go trying to climb any trees in your new clothes. What else am I supposed to say?

Yes, I need my own column, preferably in playgirl haha. j.k.

Random - Diary 39

I've been to the motherfucking mountain top
Heard motherfuckers talk, seen 'em drop
If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock
And when I bust yo ass I'm gonna continue to rock
Get you ass of the wall with your two left feet
It's real easy just follow the beat

How I love you EMINEM.

That is all for today folks.

;)

Slipping - Diary 38

Can you say, let’s throw diet out the window, say fuck it and eat everything on the south side of the house? Yes we can! And did!

Sometimes we are so good and the pounds drop one by one, two by two and twenty five.

This weekend was a hard weekend, but there have been other ones. This one was hard for reasons I don’t want to detail. I’m at the end of my patience, the tip of the iceberg has been chopped off. Tired of seeing the crazies loose, tired of listening to the daily complaints, the stress of the upcoming wedding I’ll look awful for, and the bullshit of the daily grind. Thank god for that man that I profess love for on a daily basis. He sets me straight.

Freaking migraines that prevent me from blowing my nose without pain.

I gave up today, I ate bananas, strawberries, bread, a freaking donut, hazelnut coffee, some ice tea and a god damn hazelnut coffee (I typed that twice for effect). Yes, I had all that today plus a steak. No potatoes, just tomato and corn as accompaniment. Had to draw the line somewhere. The bread was so good, the sub kind, it melted in my mouth; or my mouth was so hot from drooling the bread just slid through. Sick, I know.

Denial of my current state of affairs drove me to watch 5 episodes in a row of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then RuPauls show for the rest of the afternoon. In between those shows, I went to the market, bought three pairs of shoes (guys, shoes NEVER make you look fat and they always fit), helped my husband with the driveway, my son with his homework, made lunch and dinner, did 5 loads of laundry, cleaned the stove/oven and talked to my friend L.

I do a lot when I’m on a self pity quest.

My mom is leaving on Friday with my grandfather so he can have surgery with his dr. in South America, and I won’t be there to help. What if something goes wrong and he dies? Why doesn’t anyone every want to talk about these things, everyone rather just press the ignore button and ride along as if nothing? What if Friday morning is the last day I see the man I love so much? Why can’t he have the surgery here? Why do I feel like I’m about to blow, and not anyone that will thank me for it later?

Well, I just finished watching Sherlock Holmes and now I’m all dreamy of Sherlock Holmes. My friend got drunk all afternoon, and I ate all things bad for me. What a pair we make. I know he’ll be ok by tomorrow, recovering from his personal crisis, while I can’t be sure of what tomorrow will bring. Dude, you sent me muffins and chocolate kisses. I still think you rock big time for that.

One thing is for sure. Lil C calling me aunt S, and sending me kisses over the phone while saying ok ok ok ok made me smile when I didn’t think I could.

Tomorrow I have to start from 0 again, what a fucking drag.

At least I have my sanity.

Hey, at least I don’t pretend my life is perfect…so there.

Note: it’s pretty close to perfect though.

Where was I? - Diary 37

I was taking a break, soaking up the sun, getting a tan, relaxing under a palm tree, drinking beer and not getting drunk, laughing often and with feeling.

That's right, I took a vacation.

With my great husband, my kids and great friends.

Met some cool people but neglected to capture them on film. They don't know I like to blog. I don't think they are the blogging type.

J.A.M.A.I.C.A. mon!, it was groovy. (Does anyone say groovy anymore?).

The food was delicious, fish, fish and more fish. All types of fruits, and veggies by the dozen. Some curry chicken and some other funky stuff I tried a little and liked it. A bartender who made me laugh and knew the fruity drink I liked (without alcohol). Watching grown ass mothers drunk at the bar made me sick. Only temporarily because otherwise I didn't give a shit.

No tv watching, no computer (well, I did sneak that one day for two hours), no cooking (oh yes), no making the bed, no responsibilities other than making sure the kids ate and didn't wonder off. The nanny was a success at the resort, she took Em, and he took to her quickly. The kid was born to have an entourage. Did I even spell that right?



How much do you love how quiet my spot was every morning? lovely view, silence and a lot of beauty.

A lot of peace.

Peace is good.



Some color is always good....
Welcome to Jamaica mon, no problem!

Secrets - Diary 36

Where do secrets go?


If you tell a secret, then it's not a secret anymore.

I know secrets. Sometimes they weight a ton.

So how about this?

I'm letting them go, the secrets that is, well maybe the owners of them. Most didn't deserve my loyalty and love. Keep your secrets I say!

Maybe I'll find a Quija Board...and ask questions. It may certainly hold my secrets. I may not have to speak but think really hard and my fingers will do the walking. One letter, then two, then three....I'll create my own destiny.

Take your crap back, it's weight does not need be on me anymore. I wonder if I will lose a pound or two in the process, I do need it.

The dr. says stress, you have to give up stress. In the movie Angel Eyes the hot dude (oh my god he's hot) says something like...Let's start from scratch and then he points to the empty apartment and says, this is scratch.

SCRATCH bitches.

Honestly, not hating, just cleansing and I've been happy. Which is good, fantastic even.

Tomorrow it's a new day again, and as I dig deeper I scrape the crud that is stuck deep and doesn't want to come out.

On other news, lick me, my new scrub is Vainilla Bean and I smell like a Starbucks cupcake

With a brittish accent I say BRILLIANT
xoxoxox

Shadow 4 - Diary 35

Cam shook her hair free from her tight bun and let out a sigh. Her hair was long, the curls were soft and ticklish against her bare back. She started the shower and waited for the water to get hot enough. She loved this, being alone in her shower with her thoughts and fantasies. For some odd reason lately she felt watched in her living room and kitchen. Silly thought since there was only gypsy living with her. Still, the bath felt secure and private; a place where she could float into another world, one where there was a guy, a home, and she was loved well and often.

She stepped into the tub, picked the Jasmine scented soap and lathered up her sponge. While she worked her body with the suds she transported herself to where she was walking hand in hand with her handsome man. He was tall, sexy blue eyes, crooked smile and resembled the man she saw outside her office building. She smiled and let herself be led to a restaurant, fed slices of cheese and grapes as she drank a delicious Merlot. Their fingers entwined and they stared into each others eyes for hours, talking about their future and how wonderful it was going to be. Their wedding would take place at the Bel-Air Hotel with 12 beautifully landscaped acres of garden….did she visit the website for the hotel enough times at work? Her dress would be simple, classic, something Grace Kelly would have worn, and her cousins would be her bridesmaids. She never got to make many friends so they were the only ones Cam could count on.

She washed her hair slowly and let the suds run down her body while the water hit her face in a rain like way. Her eyes closed, her head back she let the stress of the day wash away, and the feeling of having a wonderful life overwhelm her. Sometimes the tears would mix in with the water and the vivid memory of another life, another time took over. How can something so wonderful only be a dream? She felt it so incredibly real.

Reality hit when the door of the bathroom opened slightly and gypsy wondered in, tail in the air, moving like she owned the place. Such grace for a common cat. Cam took the hint and got out of the shower and dried off. She wiped the mirror with the towel and stared at her reflection in wonder. Her eyes were shiny and her coloring pink, her lips were full as if wanting desperately to be kissed, she grinned and blew a kiss to her image. What’s up hot stuff? Her body suddenly shivered and all she heard in her mind was…goodnight love, tomorrow is another day. . She looked around the bathroom and got her pajamas. Damn, now it was not just a felling, but a voice in her head.