Happy New Year! - Diary 12

This one will be short and sweet. Happy New Year everyone. I do hope 2010 will bring you all the things missing in 2009.

For myself I want to make sure that life is fun and healthy. 2009 was pretty good......but not great!

Tonight we will be going to this portuguese restaurant. I want to go and then I don't. My parents are not going and that makes me sad since we always spend new years together. They are both under the weather or pretending to be so they can stay home. It's so cold today and all I want to do is snuggle and sleep while watching some cheesy movie about romance or criminal minds.

I wonder how much longer I can sit here and write to myself.

I've been trying a bunch of new recipes and everyone seems to be pleased with the results, but it's hell on me. I've been so wonderful on my diet and losing weight slowly and surely. This whole cooking experience has not been very helpful to my cause. Not to be narcisistic but I do like my cooking and that is where the problem lies. I should just have a taste and then leave it, but sometimes I can't. I am very serious about starting the new year with more self control. What a hard thing to control, that self control. Isn't it? Some people never learn. I am determined to conquer that which makes me weaker when it comes to delicious cakes, breads and wonderful stews.

Oh my, I did say short and sweet right?

Happy New Year to you and yours! My beautiful stalker, you get the biggest smooch ever! ooxx

Romance and a brrrrrrr day! - Diary 11

Yesterday was a particularly good day. Woke up with every intention of taking E to the museum but it was 20 degrees, which meant that in the city it would feel below 4. He didn’t want to go and venture out in the cold so we decided to postpone it once again.

I cleared out more of As room and put away more decorations. Around noon my little brother came to visit (which is always awesome) and when he left we went to take the H lunch at the shop. Yes, I’m that kind of wife, the one that takes her man lunch because she loves him and wants to hang out with him. He and E ate and then I took E to my friend Ls house. She has a very cool nanny that agreed to keep E and my friend’s boys while we went for a healthy lunch with her very cool friend C. We had some cool soup with this parmesan cheese circle thing. They told me you arrange the parmesan cheese in a pan and you let it melt a little with a sick in the middle. Then, you take it out and let it cool. It gets hard and pretty. The stick was sitting on both sides of the bowl with the circle parmesan in the middle. ART! We then had some polenta with veggies and some big ball in the middle that had an egg inside (so clever). We had some freshly pressed coffee. I forgot to press down on the lever (duh) and the girl had to come show me. I really need to get out more. For dessert people we had this almond paste with vanilla ice cream that was to die for. All in all we had a very successful and delicious lunch. Talking to women my age about fun things and things that are going on in our lives is so much fun. No drama, no walls between us, just three women talking about dreams, hopes and how much we love our kids. L was twins, C has a baby girl and I guess I’m the one with the two older ones. It was nice to go back in time and remember those cute baby, toddler years.

E and I got home by 5 just as the H was pulling in the driveway. Yey! Great timing. We had stopped at the red box looking for Harry Potter but it was gone – sigh – so the H told E he could order it on TV. He was so happy to order a movie on his own. I sat on the couch with him for the first 1 ½ watching this LONGGGGGGGGGGG movie and then I had to get up to start making dinner for us. I wasn’t thrilled with this latest potter and at the end E said…”That’s it? That’s how they are going to end it? Such a rip-off!” I had to laugh.

Around 11 A got online and we chatted a little bit about her last 3 days and how her grandma sometimes can be a little special. I felt bad that I wasn’t there to protect her; I know she handled herself well and with maturity. She should have just been like a regular teen and told her off, but she didn’t. I’m really proud of my kid.

Then it happened again. I went to bed, turned on the light at the night table and opened the little box with the 4 chocolates left. I placed my lemonade right next to them and opened my book once again. I could not stop reading. It was a romance novel that included four best friends who grew up together and started their own business. They did weddings. One was a photographer, one the baker, one the organizer and one did all flower arrangements at this mansion they all lived in. This book was about the flower arranger and how she met “her love”. I thought I’d read a few pages and then drift into dream land but I read the whole thing (was done about two thirty am). I smiled and cried and sighed. Also, I had some chocolates in between and drank some lemonade (in my mind champagne).

I love these women that can write novels like this and make you feel everything. I could imagine the love, stress, strain, need. Maybe I’m just a romantic fool and reading these books is really not the healthiest thing for me. Dinner in the city at fancy restaurants with champagne and staying at expensive hotels for the night is not something that will be happening to me any time soon. My Hs idea of romance is a little different but still effective. He brings champagne to bed and he makes me feel special all the time, but I will admit I want it all.

Be safe and warm today. I need to continue my cleaning out of As room so we can put the new furniture the H is making and then paint this weekend. I can’t wait for her to come home!!

Peace and love and kisses to my favorite stalker.

Too much chocolate and such - Diary 10

How is everyone this fine evening? I hope you are all wonderful.

L got me a great book on Luck. I’ve been reading it this weekend and it’s amazing. What colors are lucky, places, things etc. Might be trying out some of these lucky things because you never know, it might just work. Maybe I’ll be nice and share some of the lucky tips with you. Why not? It’s the season to share, forgive and look ahead with peach colored sunglasses.

Ate some chocolate that I’m not supposed to but F**k it! I liked it. The tree V gave me at work. So delicious. I kept saying, just one little bit more, just one more, a little bit more, just a tiny bite, this is it…and so on until all that was left was the plastic wrapping and the yellow ribbon. It wasn’t a huge tree, I should have had more self control, but it was so good.

Christmas was really fun. I miss my baby girl, but we managed to make it a great one for E. Santa came as he always does and I got one of those Flip cameras so I’ve recording everything and anything to make sure A has it all recorded when she comes back. E took my champagne glass and made a toast to “santa” and said we were the best. His love is something that amazes me every single day. Whatever I did to deserve them I really want to keep doing until my time is up. I had my family record a message for A so she could see it when she reads her email. My brother’s house on the 25 was just a cool and there was a chocolate pudding cheesecake that was orgasmic. I think I moaned after the spoon entered my mouth, my eyes closed just so after every overly eager lick. I finally looked around to find the H looking at me and laughing. Whatever that was, keep some for later, he said. He’s so cool. Everyone loved the sweet potato cake I made and the cranberry/orange/nut bread was also a hit. SCORE! Someone managed to bring a copy of Avatar to the party and E was in heaven. A perfect end to the holiday, sitting in the reclining chair, arms folded on the back of his head watching the movie he kept nagging me about. It was so long though, he got up 10 times before it was over.

I finally set up my G3 Mytouch phone. I now have to change all my numbers over but I’ll get to clear out the numbers I don’t need. I seem to add more numbers than the phonebook. Someone stop me. Why can’t phones just transfer the numbers with the sim card? Why do I always have to type them over?

Tomorrow I’m going to the museum with E. I have been promising this for a month and the weather has been sucky. Tomorrow will be cold ass beans but we’ll bundle up and take cabs if we must. Public transportation rules in NYC. I have my hat since lately it seems I need my head kept warm. I can’t wait to see his face when he comes face to face with all the things we’ve been talking about and I’ve shown him on the web. I’m not sure who is more excited.

Well, nothing to crazy going on so I’m going to go and figure out this phone crap and to read my Lucky book and maybe sneak in a Nora Roberts book a friend of mine let me borrow.


Dream big....and here is a kiss to my favorite beautiful stalker *wink*

It's Christmas Bitches - Diary 9

Ho-Ho-Ho-Hoooooo

Santa Claus is coming to town!!!

Not sure why I'm so excited, but I love Christmas
I love the feeling of Christmas. I actually want to hug everyone but I refrain. I smile when I hear Christmas music and love watching the kids go nuts at the mall to see Santa. The Korean lady that does A. nails gave me this awesome cream as a gift. She said, because I like you, and gave me this Tangerine/Lemongrass cream that smells good enough to eat. I actually want to lick me. I know she probably said "I like you" to 50 other women, I just loved hearing it even if it's from a lady that I see since my daughter was 3.

Want to do a blog called Year in Review, and then I think on how much I just want 2009 to end and get a fresh start in 2010. I'll be 41 whoot whoot. I liked 40 and celebrating 40 with my friends was incredible. My brothers Patron contribution pretty much made the last 2 hours a blur but I'm sure it was a great blur. My son is walking around singing "Grandma got run over by a reindeer". I tell him that he should not sing that but then I laugh. That kid is just too funny. The older he gets the funnier and amazing he becomes. Sucks that I have to work so many hours lately; it will pay off one o f these days.

Any who, Cougar Town? Saw two episodes today while doing some work and writing this. Ms. Cox is pretty funny. Oh my! My Rolling with Homies girl died at 32!!! I was sad and the appropriate arm wave after singing…rolling with the homies. I'm sure I embarrassed L when I did this outside the cafeteria at work but if I think back, I think she did it too (behind me).

V brought me a chocolate tree and it's so good (but I can only have a little bit a day). I will enjoy it for a while and he got L some chocolate with bacon (insert shrug here). She loved it and I was afraid to try a piece. He also brought some champagne for us to celebrate, so good I would have chugged the bottle (so ghetto of me). Today I wanted to chug champagne and lick myself. Keep up people.

Here is a recipe I found and will make tomorrow. Don't thank me yet, it may suck.




Cranberry-Orange Bread

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1 large egg, beaten
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
3/4 cup orange juice
1 cup halved fresh cranberries or 1/2 cup dried cranberries
1 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Butter and flour one loaf pan.

Mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together in a large mixing bowl. Stir in the butter, egg, and orange zest and juice all at once, stirring just until the mixture is evenly moist. Fold in the cranberries and nuts. Spoon the batter into the prepared pan or pans.

Bake for 1 hour 10 minutes for the large loaf, or 50 to 55 minutes for the smaller loaves, or until a wooden skewer inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes in the pan and then turn out onto a wire rack to cool.

Inhale deep and say merry fucking christmas to me!

Cleaning out the mess - Diary 8

So how do the monks do it? Ommmmmmmmmm, cross legged, back straight and hands on knees? I’m looking for a nice place to meditate and I cannot do it in my house since:

1. the kids would see me sitting down and need to talk to me right that minute,
2. the husband would too,
3. so would the dog (yes, she speaks),
4. I’m sure my neighbor would need something, and last but not least
5. my mom would need me to make her screen larger or the font huge (ok mom, put your glasses on already).

I’m doing some winter cleaning while my daughter is away. First stop: my desk. Filing cabinets full of crap I have not looked at since 2005. I swear I save all sorts of papers, business cards, articles, magazines, school projects that I don’t even know what they are. You get the drift. I’m on garbage bag number 5. I’m so sure tomorrow there will be 10 things I will need that I threw out.

Doing this cleanup I found about 10 mothers day cards I had not given to my mom for some reason or another. I stopped the whole cleaning process to get a big folder and organize my cards. I swear I don’t have to step into Hallmark for 5 years. I found, congratulations on your baby cards, thank you cards galore, and birthday cards of all shapes and colors. Still, every time I have an event, I don’t have a card in sight. Well, now I have them, loads of them. My co-worker told me to bring them to work and sell them, not sure I can part with them just yet since they have been hanging out in my drawers for years.

Went snooping again on strangers blog, and there was the “I like to comment 20 times on my blog again”. It’s none of my business but why does it irk me? Human nature makes us judgmental creatures; maybe I just want to have 45 comments on my blog (even if I have to comment 38 of them). All the comments were religious, that might be my peeve right there. I just walked away, no more coffee for me after 7pm, it keeps me up and I do crazy things like read a religious blogs and get peeved (I’m using that word a lot today kids).

We had our office party today, it was so nice. I had a lot of fun seeing an old friend and meeting someone I’ve been talking to for about 7 years. She lives 2 hours away and is a freelancer, but we’ve been friendly for a long time. Nice chemistry there, I’m glad we got to do this. She baked some goodies and I hope someone save me some. I can’t eat a lot of sweets but hell if I won’t try some of those goodies.

I was supposed to be cleaning my desk (that’s how I got out of making dinner), but here I am writing a blog and talking to C on gmail. Oh, the life of a frustrated writer.

End of year bleep - Diary 7

So there I go, around and around wondering what is the meaning of it all? At the same time, pondering ways to make things better. Do we ever get it together? I’m sure I’ve asked this question before, but I fail to receive an answer that suits me or comforts me.

Sometimes at night when I’m bored or I need a break, I stalk blogs. I read and laugh at the fun things people are doing, at the idiots who obviously love to comment on their own blog over and over to show that they have loads of comments too. Oooops is that negativity I spew? Meh, I’m allowed, it’s the holiday season, and I’m entitled to be a little peeved and certainly a little perverse.

I noticed that whenever I click next blog I get some sort of Christian blog. Is it me or do way too many religious people like to blog and mention god 84k times in their blog? I have my beliefs but sometimes it gets ridiculous out there. I say – click, next, but there it goes again.

My holidays will not be as years past. My baby girl is with my in-laws in South America. Am I happy about that? NO, but I know it’s going to be an amazing experience for her. I’ve talked to her every day since she left and she’s happy, healthy and getting a tan. I love that kid; she really knows how to party.

What a year it has been, not all bad but definitely not all good. To think that last year I had made by this time a trip to Las Vegas and one to sunny California. This year the trip I planned did not work out because of things totally beyond my control. It’s all good, next year, I will make sure whatever I do, will be for my family and for me. Are friendships a thing of the past? Maybe I am a hard person to be friends with. Never mind, I am not sure I want to know what people think about me. Someone once told me, “What people think about me is none of my business”. I may not be the best communicator in the world, but I do love intensely and cry just as much as the next mush that gets her feelings hurt. Losing a friend is always hard, no matter the reasons. I have to believe when I look back at things that we are always changing, evolving, and no matter how old we are, we are still learning. No day goes by that you don’t learn something new, if not about yourself, then about someone you know. Keep strong and your heart protected at all times, it’s a bumpy ride and you are bound to get hurt. That’s my thought on that!


After reading the above I will conclude that I’m one freaking complicated individual, but one that is wearing a size less in jeans so STUFF IT!

It’s going to snow this weekend and it’s already butt dark outside. I love watching the snow fall, but cleaning the car is not my favorite thing. I can lie and say, well, I’ve lost weight, I’m feeling the cold more due to less body fat. I’m lying but it sounds freaking good right?

Is anyone watching the Housewives of OC? Oh my lord (that’s for the god bloggers out there). Can you say Botox galore? Can they be any more superficial? I do feel like they really do forgive and forget and still party. I can’t do that, it’s hard for me to move on. I would not last a week on that show; I’d be destroyed by the first back stab. How sad that I admit that right? Well, heed the warning, I break easy, handle me with care. I’m told I project too much, to that I say, fuck off.

Aight peeps, going home to make some delicious red velvet cake, cause I got it like that!

How high can we go? - Diary 6

Romance is such a beautiful word, but brilliant is my favorite.

I remember when I was 15 and so innocent. I wanted everything and anything all at once. My friends had experienced more than I had, so I felt like I was eons behind. I believed in kissing frogs and knights coming to the rescue, didn’t you? I dreamed of kisses under the cool rain, lying down on the grass watching the stars, sipping a soda from one cup and two straws. Nothing would have made me happier than a hug from my prince and the acknowledgment that I belonged to someone. The problem was that my parents were overly protective, and I was no princess. I looked 10, and was too shy to ever look at a boy in the eye.

Back then I hated everything about being 15, 16, 17, because I felt no connection to anyone or anything. I tried desperately to get that inner diva to come out and show the world what she was made of. I could be witty and funny but never sexy; I had no idea of the power women have, that’s too bad I could have made history. Romance was always lurking in my brain as I read and re-read all the romance novels my friend J would send my way. She ate them up too since we both wanted something to happen but didn’t know what we’d do if it did. How much I knew about kissing was epic. I knew technique, facial movements, where hands went, hair flowing, perfume on wrists and under earlobes for effect. I was so prepared it was ridiculous. These romance novels described everything to a T. One in particular went really detailed on a kiss the woman gave this guy and I remember it until this day. I do but I won’t share the details, it’s my own personal thing.

I wonder if it’s ok for a mother of two to blog about kissing and sex, maybe I should stick to recipes of the day or how much having to do the same thing over and over again sucks.

We love to put our words and thoughts out there but then we are afraid to be judged. Deny it all you want but it’s true; no one wants people to think that they suck and not tell them.

Back to romance then. When I was 18 I met this gorgeous boy. He was 22, so he was really not a boy. K was so good looking and amazing I don’t even remember if he had smarts. I remember hard sweaty body after playing basketball in the park. I recall vividly when he looked my way and smiled, I nearly melted or peed myself, not sure which. That was the first time I felt completely female. I was always with my brothers so it was not the time or the place; I was a very responsible girl, well woman. I went every day to the park during the summer and he would always come after work and play ball with other guys. He was all sweaty but I knew he’d smell spectacular and he did. Once he came up to me and asked me if I’d be at the park for another hour and I said yes (maybe a little too excitedly). He came back and hour late on a Ninja motorcycle and looking amazing. I was so in awe that I don’t know how I made it through the next hour without passing out or looking severely stupid. I probably looked like one of those Jonas fans minus the screaming and giggling. I so do not giggle. I may snort, but I don’t giggle.


Christmas is around the corner and part of me is very sad, another part a little hurt and the rest is happy I have my babies, my husband, my family and the dog. That makes me smile. I’m really sad because my daughter is leaving next week. I can’t believe I agreed to let her go; I really should have stood my ground and said no. She’ll be with friends and family I’m told, but you know what, it’s not me and although that seems very unfair to her, I rather she stayed home. The rest of my husband’s family will be leaving for Florida because they have a free place to go and probably because they’ll have more fun with people they barely know anyway. Not to end on a negative note but I feel like I’ve been on the straight and narrow my whole damn life. I’ve done the right thing even when I wanted to bolt and spend Christmas and New Year’s far away from everyone. I’ve never left my parents to go spend New Year’s in the city yet everyone comes and goes as they see fit. My husband is right, I stress about people, I want them to be happy and I will totally change all my plans but the minute something better comes along everyone jumps to do their own thing. Maybe I’m just really boring huh?

This Sunday I decided I wanted to do a pretend Christmas dinner so A would not miss out on having dinner with the family. Not sure why I bother but I guess it’s in my nature and I can’t change that. PMS is here, can you tell? Thank god I don’t get violent, just mushy.

How high can we go? - Diary 5

What you get is exactly what you give
Never really know until you try
We're so ahead of this
Got this she wolf appetite that keeps me up all night
You know the way it works don't be afraid to ask
Aim high when the target is low
FYI I am ready to go
People say men are just like kids
Never saw a kid behave like this





While watching Shakira on the Lopez Tonight show I was wondering if I could move my hips like that ever again. I think my hips will lie and with just cause.

Today I went with Alexa’s Spanish class to watch Don Quijote De La Mancha at the Repertorio Espanol in NYC. It was pretty good and the kids seemed to enjoy it. They don’t realize how much culture they are missing. They find these trips tedious but hey, they miss school for a day. I wish we could make them all understand how precious all these works of arts are. The guy at the theater said “what Cervantes did with Don Quijote and Sancho Pansa has been and is used in shows nowadays” I totally told the mom next to me. Miami Vice? And she said…you are dating yourself. Yikes, I’m old.

I made some amazing meatballs and ziti tonight and totally cheated on my strict diet. It’s not my fault I love my cooking people. I’m not saying the world should but I happen to like my dishes but shit I do. Especially my sauce and everything else I make. The only thing everyone likes but I don’t is the sweet potato thing I make. I just don’t like sweet potato.

Do you have an inside gangster chick or dude? I was watching Sandra being transformed from sweetheart to chola girl and I was wondering how taking a sharpie to my eyebrows does my image. Hey vato! Orale and shit.

I want to get a scooter, a red scooter! I know I would look so good on a red scooter. Can you picture me? Well do it and you’ll realize how damn good I’d look on it? Riding around my town and just laughing at the idiots in their cars (my family pointing and laughing will not keep them out of harms way). Maybe I can scoot my way over some assholes yard and ride over all their stupid retarded decorations on their yard. Yeah, because I’ll be a chola red scooter riding beoch. Can you picture that now?

I could write 5 entries on parenting this week. I’m not going to. I’m sure one of these days my kid will read my entries and get traumatized enough as is.

My friend did call me today and tell me she had sex on her new pullout couch. I think she rocks! I will never seat on her couch and not do a shimmy shimmy shake shake on it.

Love you, peace out and insert gangster sign here.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 4

I’d like to make myself believe – That planet earth turns slowly – It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep – ‘Cause everything is never as it seems. Owl City

I wanted to blog on Saturday and Sunday but I didn’t have the energy to do it. To summarize, my friend went through a horrible ordeal and although she’s now ok, I still feel awful she had to go through such a bad time.

I cleaned the house and bitched about the dog hairs until Carlos shaved most of Kias’ hair and now there will be less. She likes it or so it seems and she’s a lot less raggedy. She had so much loose hair that was everywhere no matter how much I vacuumed. I am somewhat allergic to it but I live with it because I love that dog. Nothing I can do about the fact that she’s not some doodle dog that was created for my sensitive nose. I know she wants me to hug her all the time and now with less hair I can do that. Noone is as happy as she when I get home after being out all day. She knocks me down with her tail and jumps up at me to hug me.
Christmas is coming and this year has been hard, but not just for us, everyone seems to be in the same boat. That is all I have to say about that.

I was doing great weight wise, sugar wise, but then I had to see a picture of myself that made me gag. How can all these people tell me that I look great and then I see a picture and see how awful I look? People should get some sort of electric shock when they lie to you about looks, don’t you think? I do, and since I’m talking to myself here I’d have to agree with me.

On other news I am having fun watching the resident turkey run around like a maniac around our building. I’ve taken pictures of this animal as if he was the cute kid that gave me a crooked smile.

Went to Borders today and almost bought 10 books but this economy has my book habit on hold, like I may have to go to the library and take a book out..eeeeeek. I happen to love building my library, but I will take out books and not miss out on reading some wonderful classics. I’m just so bad with returning them.

Allright, time to get positive. Ready, set, go…get it done! Get going! Get moving and not to the refrigerator where it seems we all want to go in the winter.

Scott said he made lemon poppy muffins today and I have spent all day craving a muffin but resisted the urge to stop by starbucks and get one of those vanilla bean ones.

We have a Brittish client that says “brilliant” in her brit accent and I love it! Everytime we email she writes back “brilliant”, and when I hear it in my head I put the brit accent and it sounds awesome. I’ve decided to be brittish for a day. I’m going to change my voice mail to sound brittish too. What do you think? I will say brilliant and superb a lot. I will drink more tea and stick my pinky out. Can you picture it?

Well darlings, I think we’ve covered enough without covering very much. Time to pinch my lil finger and test the good ‘ol blood mates.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 3

Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful. They can all get fucked, just be true to you. ~Beautiful by Eminem~


After poking myself this morning to check on my sugar levels I noticed that my fingers are full of little pokes from all the times I have been doing it. I am not an easy bleeder so sometimes I have to do it twice ~BITCH~ just to get a drop to place on the little strip. I used two fingers the most and I guess the Dr. was right, use all of your fingers. Amazing how quickly tips heal because I don’t feel any pain when I type.

Driving to work this morning I got stuck on I95 after the toll due to a truck spilling gasoline all over (I am assuming this by the smell.) As I was stuck listening to my iPod really loudly I noticed a bunch of people doing things in their car. There was the dude picking his nose as if he thought gold was going to appear at the end of his nostril, the girl doing her makeup and almost hitting the car in front of her about 10 times, the woman with the dog in the car who wanted to jump into the front seat so she kept swerving all over, and last but not least the 50 or so year old guy flexing his muscles and staring at himself in the mirror. I had to drive by this dude the most amount of time. What I thought was funnier is that the song on my iPod was Beautiful by Eminem. I cranked it up and he looked at me and flexed his arm. I gave him a thumbs up which was a mistake because he lowered his window and asked for my number. Oy! It was funny, but I guess you had to be there. 50 degrees out and the guy is wearing a tank top and flexing. Did I mention he kept flexing?

I spent most of my day with mom yesterday and it was good. When we drove past the cemetery she got all annoyed and asked me if there were more dead people in there. I was texting and just answered, of course mom, it’s a cemetery. She meant in that corner of the cemetery but I wasn’t being a good listener. That whole conversation cracked me up and I realized that when you feel better, you laugh quicker and you are happy more. The key to happiness is to find your healthy spot. I like it. Now it is time to enforce it, and work towards it.

Stressing over what to make for Thanksgiving kills the mood. I want it to be special, better than last year and the year before that. I want my house to be sparkly and free of dog hair (in-fucking-possible). I over think everything, from the turkey to the potatoes. Last year I did these mashed potatoes with garlic, but the garlic burn a little and it didn’t make the potatoes look good (they tasted good, but didn’t look so good). Last year was also the year that I found this amazing recipe for sweet potatoes. Everyone keeps asking me for it and wanting me to make it. I love it. Here is the recipe if you are interested. I got it from www.allrecipes.com

Sweet Potato Bake

3 cups cold mashed sweet potatoes (NO milk or butter)
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup butter softened
3 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup flour
2 tablespoons cold butter

Directions:
In a mixing bowl, beat sweet potatoes, sugar, milk, butter, eggs, salt and vanilla until smooth.

Transfer to a greased baking dish. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, pecans and flour, cut in butter until crumbly. Sprinkle over potato mixture. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees F for 45 to 50 minutes or until golden brown.

Enjoy my pretties and “stalker” thanks for the email. It was good to get the virtual breathing.

How low do you need to go - Diary 2

That same day my friend Lisa (and also co-worker) told me of a request for someone “addicted to soda” to write into a show and see if they would get picked to appear. I’m sure she didn’t think I’d write it, but then I’m also certain that she thinks I’m nuts.


I wrote an email that I thought was pretty funny (and they seem to agree). Honestly, I was being silly because I was already in a foul mood that my Dr. told me no more soda, no more this, no more that and no more of the other thing.


Two hours later I get a phone call from the producer of the show and he asked if I could go to the studio the next day and be on the program. I hesitated and thought about it a lot. I’m 40, I do not want to make a fool of myself (yet I did, I’m so sure of it). They sent a limo for me and did my hair and makeup. I looked great. My Facebook picture is one Alexa took after I got home and still had the hair and makeup done. Cherry on top…they sent a limo to take me to the studio and to pick me up. I can’t talk about the show and what I did, but when it airs (if they ever do), I will surely let everyone know to watch, point, laugh, rewind and repeat.


I’ve been off soda for a whole month now, I’m amazed that all it took was hitting bottom to see that I happen to like living and hanging out with my family. It sounds drastic right? I’m just being dramatic for effect, I never let myself HIT bottom, I just graze it and then I pull myself up and out. It’s a skill many would pay to learn, I’m sure.


We’ve been having dinners with my family every Tuesday for the past 2 months. I love it! I really do! I feel so complete right now, like life has taken a giant step and full circle is steps closer. I believe that everything we do is to get us closer to completing the circle. You can close your eyes and imagine it, make it any color you like. Mine is red with hints of sparkles. Sometimes when big events happen I can imagine it moving forward, and sometimes I can see it pulling back. We all need something to push us in the right direction, a little something to make us believe that one day it will all make sense and we can be finally completely happy. No one but those who have come full circle knows what complete happiness is. I wonder where they are. I’d like to meet with them and pick their brain. They might be too happy to give a shit about meeting with me though. No room for me once the circle is complete, how sad, they will miss out on knowing me.


This year has been a fun and funky one. I turned 40, hung out with friends, loved fully, was loved in return and the negatives are forgotten and buried. I truly wish everyone that has come and gone from my life the very best. I’m in a wonderful and scary place and hope for positive energy to come my way. It’s not always possible but I hope for it. Let’s all wish and open ourselves to move closer to a full circle.


My sushi is here so I’m going down to get me some! Peace and love bitches.

A little shout out to my stalker, I’ll be waiting for the heavy breath phone call.

How low do you need to go? - Diary 1

How low do you have sink before you start to claw your way up? Sometimes we must venture pretty low. I know you may expecting a big confession of sex, drugs, sex, drama…..sex, but I must totally disappoint you; for now.


After months of feeling like crap I decided to be mature about it and call a Dr. Sadly, I had no primary physician and had to do all this research to find one. Well, that’s not true; I did a search with my provider and looked for the one that was closest to my job. I found a Dr. pretty quickly, and I’m glad because she’s wonderful and understanding.


I made my appointment and went to get a blood test two days before. When I got to the building I almost bailed. When you know the outcome of something, and you know the outcome will not make you happy; inevitably you want to bail right? I told myself to grow up and took the elevator. I know I should have taken the stairs but I didn’t know how bad it was going to be or I would have.

The waiting room had a bunch of different types of people, all older and mostly falling apart. I asked to use the ladies room and almost died. A man had gone before me and when he came out and I went in I gagged with such force I almost puked right there. The stench in this lovely decorated bathroom was absolutely disgusting, but like so many months I had to pee so badly it was not even funny. I held my breath and did the deed. When I walked out of the bathroom a nurse passed me and made a face. OMG, she totally thought it had been me who left the horrific stench, but it wasn’t. I wanted to yell it out but the man was sitting right outside and he looked so sad in his wheelchair.


The nurse comes outside and calls me in. The Dr. is this younger woman, maybe a year or two older than me. Get it? YOUNG woman of maybe 42 or so. She has me sit in the chair and proceeds to change my life. All I heard was your sugar count is off the roof, your cholesterol is pretty high, your lives is having problems, but that’s probably due to you not having your gall bladder, blah, blah, blah, you have diabetes. I looked up then and I know I had tears in my eyes. There was no way I just heard Diabetes coming out of her mouth. It made sense, the peeing all the time, losing weight without a reason, pain in my feet when I walked, tired, irritable (that may just be me, not the diabetes). I imagined a whole opening up in the ground and just swallowing me in. I wished for it more than I’ve wished for anything. If I didn’t look stupid, I would have smacked myself a couple of times. It’s not like I didn’t already know this was coming, but I had to get to that low to feel the need to change everything.

This started a whole chain of events....