Simply Positive - Diary 23

True words aren't eloquent;
Eloquent words aren't true;
Wise men don't need to prove their point;
Men who need to prove their point aren't wise.
Tao Te Ching~


get it? got it? good.


"I once was lost, but now I'm found......"

I really like how Cecilia Grace and the whales sing it.

I am a walking contradiction.

The last 5 minutes before you go to bed are the most important 5 minutes of the day - I just found that out today.

I don't care what YOU think about me. I think I'm pretty awesome.

Quote me a river - Diary 22

"If trying harder doesn't work, try softer ~ Lily Tomlin

"When before the beauty of a sunset or mountain, you pause and exclaim,'Ah,'you are participating in divinity."
~ Joseph Campbell


Sometimes we find quotes that say what we can't.

There is always someone who wants to critize your writing.

"Don't be so humble, you are not that big of a deal"
One of the best sarcastic quotes I've read.

“There are no regrets in life, just lessons.” ain't that the truth? Unfortunately there are those who don't take those lessons and run. Run for godsakes.

"Friends are like roses...you have to look out for the pricks!" Ha! that's all.

Want to watch the Time Travelers Wife as soon as it comes out on DVD. I need a seriously good romance story.

One day my favorite writer will come to me for ideas, or not.

Random shit rules!

Stomach aches don't!

Nip/Tuck is one of the best shows. Nuts I tell you.

"You can't rattle my cage because I'm not a caged animal"~SM

Poof!

I now know - Diary 21

I now know, after watching House last night that I was friends with a Psychopath and didn't know it. Someone with no feelings or guilt, someone that manipulated situations and people in order to get his way. I was so shocked, yet relieved to figure this out. I'm glad we are not friends anymore. It was emotionally draining, mentally draining, psychologically draining, you get my drift. Maybe seeing similar tendecies in others is what has made me scared of friendships. Someone who would change the story so quickly and well, you'd believe anything from him.

-This is what my friend D called me to say last night. I had to go on HULU and wait for the episode to get posted, watch and I totally got it. Everyone knows someone that manipulates the story, situation and people and has no guilt. I've always stood by "if I know how the person is, then I know how much I can trust them (or not), and I know how long I can deal with it".
Still, I thought it was so funny to get a phone call like that at 10pm. I knew a Psychopath.....silence......ok. We all need help and we all can act psycho one day or another, right?



I was not feeling well yesterday. I was upset, sad, frustrated, pissy, tired, moody and my boobs hurt. I got home after I picked up my son, took off my clothes and got into bed. I didn't move from there until 7pm. My son checked on me twice to see if I was breathing I think. I could not go to sleep either because....my brain kept going 120 miles per minute. I hate it when you re-live moments or conversations in your mind and you can't change the outcome. You want to tell someone to piss off or fuck off but you don't. You want to explain yourself but end up sounding like a fool. Again. And again. And yet again. Good news, my sugar was pretty low afterwards. Must have been all those meals I missed yesterday.

A and the H were doing fine on their own. The H came up, took a look at me and left. He proceeded to make some tortellinis because that is as far as his cooking skills go (I know he can cook, he just doesn't want to). A did her homework and then around 6:30 came to lay down next to me and watch TV while I hid under the covers. Promptly at 7, I got up, shook it off and went down to finish dinner. A made brownies and I had one (ok 2) after watching Castle.

I realized that if I were not around, my family would do just fine. That if I take some time for myself, it is not going to kill them or me. I won't suck as a mom if I don't always have it together and the laundry always done. GOOOOOODDDDDD I hate it when the laundry piles up.

I love my family, but I love that they can handle life if I'm not around. I may hide today again. Who knows.

Yeap, this was all about me.

Peace out!

Thanks my sweet stalker....

Let yourself bloom - Diary 20

I read yesterday a great blog written by my friend Izzy and I started to think more on the subject. Yes, I could have written a long ass comment but I just limited myself to a small funny (or trying to be funny) one. I do tend to use humor when I find the subject a little complex. I don’t know how to do colorful links and sh** but here is a link to her article - http://www.megsmumbo.blogspot.com/. On the blog find -Ask Izzy and you are good to go bich**.

She keeps her identity there anonymous because that’s how she rolls.

The subject if I got it right is changing for your next relationship. I’m still in the same one after 22 years so I hope I don’t have to go through this. BUT, I can offer some observations as an avid Millionaire Matchmaker watcher. Yes, I said it. I watch that crap, so what? You gonna judge? (Good grammar there) Well, go right ahead, because most likely I’m judging you back. I’m aggressive today, must be the caffeine and lack of sugar. Makes me itchy or bitchy. Either or.

I believe that we can always learn from a past relationship. If our ears and nose are forever growing (according to my daughters bio book, or was it her health book, whatever), then we are forever changing. We should be changing all the time. I don’t want to be the easy no chapter book to be read. I want to have chapter, hidden stories, mystery, sex, some drama, to be continued…etc.

The Millionaire Matchmaker chick says no sex for three months when you enter a relationship (and my very good friend B agrees with her). Having sex early on makes the other person only think of you a sex object and not as someone they are connected with mentally. My opinion is that, if they are thinking of you in a sexual way, they are connected mentally with you, right? Ok, moving on. I believe in body chemistry, spark. This for me applies, especially if you are over 25. If you meet someone and they just make you alive all over, you should totally jump their bones. Do you think cavemen waited three months? No, if their dirty ass penis rose up, they went for it. Are you always YOU when you meet someone new? I think we all have an act we follow. We are at our best behavior, groomed to the hilt, checking out teeth 5 times after we eat, and smiling at jokes we would ordinarily bleh.

People say, stay true to yourself. Do any of us know who we really are? I see so much confusion in people. We are all always looking for an answer, and who you are for sure today may change tomorrow if something tragic happens. We are evolving, moving, confused, amazed, angered or sad. I am not the same person my husband married. I am not the same person I was two years ago. My values have not shifted, my love has grown, my commitment is solid still, but I’m not the same person. Relationships are never going to be 50/50 and you are fool if you think they are. Someone is always giving more and it changes with our day to day.

Be true to love, not yourself. Be friends first, that’s always better. Be seduced and seduce. Take a million chances if you failed 999,999 of them. Be open always, and even if you get hurt, get up and try again. As I type this I’m changing, I’m evolving. I’m realizing that I have closed myself to friends and people around me. Going to think of myself as a flower that is opening up towards the sun and will let soul be filled with sunshine and love. Don’t try to be a bee and come all up in my business will ya? Pervs.


Peace and love

Lick a bowl - Diary 19

I went to CVS today and noticed all the water bottles by the door. Hundreds of water bottles that slowly but surely will be sold by next week.

I come home and watched the news and see the horror of the victims in Haiti fighting and killing each other for the same water bottles I just saw right by a door unsupervised.

Fu**ing A! I felt guilty lifting a bottle to my lips and thought, what a country we live in! A water bottle is overlooked and tossed half drunk aside while others kill for it.

As I got ready for bed I thanked whomever was listening for my kids, husband, family and friends being safe on this night and all the nights we’ve been safe from harm.

All we really need money for is a roof over our head, clothing and food. You need love too but you should not be buying it.

Be thankful we are here and have enough to eat and more than enough to drink. Help someone tomorrow. Donate food, clothing to people who need it. Find out how you can contribute to a cause that will make a difference.

My birthday was great yesterday. My family came over and I cooked (my mom too). Made some red velvet cupcakes with frosting that everyone devoured. I saved two for my friends at work D and V. I knew both would enjoy it!!.

I got some ‘banging presents and some beautiful flowers from my 3 year old nephew, cause he woves me.

Both my kids made me breakfast and they were delicious. Thank god the first one was a fiber cereal, cause by the time I got the bacon and eggs I was thankful for the extra help…ewww nasty!

Have a great night kiddies, lick a bowl if you can. It’s liberating.

Stop and Breathe often - Diary 18

One event can change everything.

Having the diabetes scare helped me face my fear of change. I had to change less things that I thought, but in my mind the change was going to be huge that is why I could not bear it before. Our mind plays an awful lot of tricks on us. The last couple of years felt like I’ve been learning about life and people. We all make at least one or two bad choices a year and it seems that, at the moment, life as we know it is over. Maybe it is, but we get over it, move on and start fresh. That’s the cool thing about being an individual; you can transform yourself and change whenever you feel like it. I neglected to pay attention to that; I was too busy worrying about everyone else, I took an extended leave of absence on my individuality.

What I realized is that I don’t need to do 10 things at once because I never finish any of them or it takes me too long to finish them. I’ve taught myself to STOP, REWIND, SLOW DOWN, PICK ONE THING and go with it. I’m getting more done because I’ve slowed down the process. I focus on one thing at a time and I get it done so much better. Be it cooking, working, cleaning, the kids, the husband, I’ve stopped trying to do everything at once. I’m trying to do less and making it count.

Same goes with life in general. Sometimes it feels like days just come, go and you have nothing to show for it. I’m turning 41 and it dawned on me that I really should not let days come and go. I’m not saying I can control time; I’ll just control what I do with the time I have.
Next time you are doing 3 things at once and you get stressed out and get all overwhelmed. STOP. BREATHE. CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RELAX (unless one of those things is driving). Take a deeeeeep breath and pick ONE of the three things and finish it. You will feel so much better and I promise you, it will all get done!

Stop and breathe often, you might see something you never saw before and it may make you smile.


Peace out my loves (specially my beautiful stalker who is travelling today)

Looking back at you - Diary 17

What do you do when what you see in the mirror is not what everyone else sees?

Distorted images can be the hardest thing to overcome. What is real? What they see or what you see? You wake up one morning and who you see looking back at you is bright, beautiful, and happy. The next day, you see a completely different person and you stop looking, you move away quickly, not wanting to see the details. How can we be so many different people to ourselves but only one to the outside world? The truth is that we have to get up in the morning and say – Today I am better than yesterday – and then look in the mirror and smile. It doesn’t matter that our hair looks like we just had a fight with a mountain lion and the bags under our eyes are so pronounced you can use them for shopping. Seeing past all that into our core is where you should aim. If I don’t put my glasses on before I go to the bathroom I find myself getting so close to the mirror I’m practically nose to glass. The tiny red lines in my eyes are scary and my hair is wild and not necessarily in a good way.

I’m the person that walks past a large mirror and says UGH to the reflection and keeps walking. I have stopped that and now just smile at the person facing back at me. Poor thing only shows when I walk by a mirror, otherwise she’s hiding inside bored to tears. How rude of me to make a face at her when all she wants to do is look back and see a smile. Seriously, think of your reflection as a friend that needs love and affection. Someone who only wants what is best for you, a true friend. She might be your best friend…bff…or bffff as kids say. Give her/him thumbs up! Wink if you feel inclined. Don’t overdo it and flash her because you might get into a bit a trouble; unless you are home and then you should let go. You’ll see how jealous the other reflections will get of your relationship. Everyone will be wondering what you two have going on and why you are so happy every time you see each other. Make her feel special and put on some makeup once in a while so she can see how pretty you feel. She’ll do the same for you and you can both look at each other and examine the great art work. She’ll tell you if your mascara is running or if your eyeliner does that dotted line thing now that you are 40 and nothing is as smooth as it used to be.

Do you have to do that yet? Stretch your eye out a bit to get the eyeliner perfect or else it looks like you just did a dotted line? No eyes lift for either of you yet, you can hold off on all that unnatural stuff until she tells you it’s time for a touchup or two. Nip/Tuck has scared the crap out of us but we still practice stretching our face in all directions to see if you can go back to 25. Doubtful but this is between the two of you so who’s going to rat you out? She won’t, she never would. Anything you tell her stays between the two of you.

So go out and hug your reflection. Say thank you for sticking with you all your life. Treat your reflection kindly, you never know when you are going to need her to blow you a kiss back. Amazing how she can do that, blow you a kiss back.

Have a great Tuesday! ;)

Btw WHY IS IT THAT I CAN ONLY SEE TWO BLOGS WHEN I CLICK NEXT BLOG? Did I click something wrong again?

That is that - Diary 16

Concentrate on this Sentence...

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Concentrate on this sentence...

'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.

According to my friend god can do to me what he/she will and i just have to take it and like it....and forward to 5 friends of my life will suck. OY


There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Someone sent me this today and I thought I should share.
That last sentence made me a little sad and I don't totally agree with it, but meh, I'm not going to dwell on it anymore.

What a crazy but fun weekend. A had a bunch of friends over. Thet played pool/pingpong/watched video and then 2 of her friends who are going to perform in the AIDA production at the school, gave me my own private concert! It was so much fun to listen to such talent. Those boys will go far. I made them some red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, YUM. Great kids, I'm so glad my daughter has found her 'group' of friends and that they are good to eachother.

Dance with me.....

Paranoid – Diary 15

Not sure how I did this but I was following myself. Now that's nuts. Took me 10 minutes to figure out how to un-follow me. Did I just diss myself?

When I was feeling sick and was sure I was going to die on the spot (insert some dramatic music here), I used to not lock the bathroom door at work in case I keeled over and only had seconds to live. I wanted to make sure someone could come in quickly and not have to bother with a locked door. Very practical, yes I am. Today, I did lock the door. I am feeling so much better since I let go of a lot of things I didn’t realize were so damaging to me. I won’t say I have not cheated a little (not in the soda department). My daughter brought back these amazing alfajores with dulce de leche that are so hard to resist. Overdid on that department but that was yesterday and the day before. As of today, that is done! No more giving into temptation. SELF CONTROL. Yes, self control.

I was reading my Snapple cap yesterday and it said that the brain is 80% water. I found that interesting since sometimes we say…I’m drowning (when we are upset). What happens is that your thoughts are under water, you only have 20% water free capacity and that does not make for a lot of space (unless you have a huge head). There, problem solved. Nothing is wrong with you, just stop thinking, you don’t have the room for it. I read on another one that a good egg floats in water but a bad egg will sink. Is that why people say “he’s a bad egg”, cause dude can’t float? I’m getting to the bottom of these things.

Both my brothers are getting married this year! Yey! A huge part of me is so happy that they are and a small part of me feels a little sad that they will not be just my little brothers anymore. They will now be grown ass men with wives (and kid). I hope that as they build their families we will all still be close.

How do we feel about 2009 being in the past right now? I have conflicting feelings.

Do you ever hate a company because you really don’t like someone that works for it? I totally banned (can't say name) because I really dislike a guy that works for them. How childish but funny is that? I happen to love the commercials where (can't say name) is being talked smack about. I just can’t help it. Now that I have actually typed that out, I feel much better. What a cleansing experience.

Take care everyone and remember: an apple a day keeps the dr. away. Stay away from drugs and girls with severe PMS.

Handbook for 2010 - Diary 14

1.Drink plenty of water. (and pee often)
2.Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. (ha)
3.Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..(be a bird and eat worms too)
4.Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy (whew I live with an E already and I like him more than those other 3 e's)
5.Make time to pray. (if that's your thing)
6.Play more games. (oh yeah, some of you are great at that)
7.Read more books than you did in 2009. (TONS)
8.Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. (while you pee after you drink all that freaking water)
9.Sleep for 7 hours. (good luck getting me to sleep that much)
10.Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk,
smile. (freak)
11.Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea
what their journey is all about. (just be your single white female self, no problem)
12.Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. (my negative thoughts are too boring)
13.Don't over do. Keep your limits. (ha ha ha)
14.Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. (true that, but sometimes people do have gems to talk about)
16.Dream more while you are awake.
17.Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.(I DO, two amazing kids, a handsome man, great family, friends, sweet dog and beautiful fish....and my beautiful stalker)
18.Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner.
with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. (he's perfect)
19.Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. (yeah don't be a hater)
20.Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. (piece of cake)
21.No one is in charge of your happiness except you. (that's what I thought)
22.Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and ade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. (some people are too stupid to get algebra)
23.Smile and laugh more. (I've been laughing at what I WANTED to write in the parenthesis, but didn't)
24.You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree..... (you're wrong bitch)
25.Call your family often.
26.Each day give something good to others.
27.Forgive everyone for everything.(even you bitch)
28.Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under
the age of 6.
29.Try to make at least three people smile each day. (I do, make it 4 and 5 and 6, I'm a regular comedian)
30.What other people think of you is none of your business. (nope, but I know you still want to know)
31.Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch. (bullshit, but YOU know that, don't ya?)
32.Do the right thing! (please do)
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or
joyful. (Oh yeah, I did that)
34.GOD heals everything. (she does)
35.However good or bad a situation is, it will change.(yes, it can get worse)
36.No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. (some should just stay home)
37.The best is yet to come....(can't wait)
38.When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.(yeah, ok)
39.Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. (I am happy)

January already - Diary 13

It’s already the 3rd. of January. Where does time go? I know, it passes while you paint, clean, organize and totally make the dream bedroom for a 13 year old. I do hope she likes it. A lot of time and effort went into this project. A lot of questions in the past months about favorite colors and would you rather this or that or the other thing. Telling her we could not afford to do anything right now, to have patience. I am almost done! I feel like one of those TV shows that have a certain amount of days to finish a project and we are on deadline, she arrives Tuesday morning and I work until 7 on Monday. Today is it for me! The H made her a wonderful closet with huge drawers and shelves for her shoes and purses on the side and in the center for whatever she wants. To be used for displays (HATS) or sweaters. I’m more in love with her room than she might be. I organized all of her jewelry, lip glosses, perfumes, hair pins and the bag of lollipops she had hidden in the drawer. Bet she didn’t think I’d find that. I did find a diary under her pillow (she knows I’m the one that changes the bed so what was she thinking?) I didn’t read it though; I just put it in her nightstand drawer. If she wanted me to read it I’m sure she would have shown it to me. We must always have some kind of privacy! I won’t say I wasn’t curious, but I had already invaded enough. I’m going to let her decide what she leaves in her huge dresser and what she transfers to the closet. That kid has way too much crap and clothes.

I’ll post some pictures when it’s done. I’m sure there are at least 3 of you who will be interested in the final outcome.

I figured out how to add the numbers back on my G3. It only took me going to the T-Mobile website and typing them in. Now they are all added, well not all, I deleted numbers that I know I will probably never use again. Have you noticed how you add all sorts of numbers that you probably only used once? I’m not calling the city hall anytime soon or that Indian place that had sucky food. Gone and gone! I had a list a mile long and when I took a good look, I don’t really call many people (shut up my beautiful stalker, I know I have to call you back).

15 days until I turn 41. Am I ready? You know, I’m not really sure. The H wants me to have a party at the house but I’m not sure. Part of me wants to and the other is freaking out about thinking what to serve and if people will like it. There is alcohol in the house, we never drink it. I can cook a ton of little things and even make me a birthday cake. I have this wonderful recipe from my friend Irene that I tried a couple of times and everyone liked. Red Velvet cake, yum. I’ll share the recipe if anyone is interested. Anyone? Anyone?

I’ve been stalking some blogs again and found some really sweet ones. Women do love to blog! There was one from a girl who moved to Vienna with her husband and how she rather be there than in the US. Loved it! She had some really cute stories to tell and beautiful scenic pictures to share.

Well, back to the kids’ room! I can’t wait to be done and show it off. The H is an amazing man. The things he does for us to make us happy make him a jewel. Baked him a ton of chocolate chip cookies and then this spinach/meat pie he loves a lot. I try to thank him always the best way I know how.

Peace out kiddies!