I now know, after watching House last night that I was friends with a Psychopath and didn't know it. Someone with no feelings or guilt, someone that manipulated situations and people in order to get his way. I was so shocked, yet relieved to figure this out. I'm glad we are not friends anymore. It was emotionally draining, mentally draining, psychologically draining, you get my drift. Maybe seeing similar tendecies in others is what has made me scared of friendships. Someone who would change the story so quickly and well, you'd believe anything from him.
-This is what my friend D called me to say last night. I had to go on HULU and wait for the episode to get posted, watch and I totally got it. Everyone knows someone that manipulates the story, situation and people and has no guilt. I've always stood by "if I know how the person is, then I know how much I can trust them (or not), and I know how long I can deal with it".
Still, I thought it was so funny to get a phone call like that at 10pm. I knew a Psychopath.....silence......ok. We all need help and we all can act psycho one day or another, right?
I was not feeling well yesterday. I was upset, sad, frustrated, pissy, tired, moody and my boobs hurt. I got home after I picked up my son, took off my clothes and got into bed. I didn't move from there until 7pm. My son checked on me twice to see if I was breathing I think. I could not go to sleep either because....my brain kept going 120 miles per minute. I hate it when you re-live moments or conversations in your mind and you can't change the outcome. You want to tell someone to piss off or fuck off but you don't. You want to explain yourself but end up sounding like a fool. Again. And again. And yet again. Good news, my sugar was pretty low afterwards. Must have been all those meals I missed yesterday.
A and the H were doing fine on their own. The H came up, took a look at me and left. He proceeded to make some tortellinis because that is as far as his cooking skills go (I know he can cook, he just doesn't want to). A did her homework and then around 6:30 came to lay down next to me and watch TV while I hid under the covers. Promptly at 7, I got up, shook it off and went down to finish dinner. A made brownies and I had one (ok 2) after watching Castle.
I realized that if I were not around, my family would do just fine. That if I take some time for myself, it is not going to kill them or me. I won't suck as a mom if I don't always have it together and the laundry always done. GOOOOOODDDDDD I hate it when the laundry piles up.
I love my family, but I love that they can handle life if I'm not around. I may hide today again. Who knows.
Yeap, this was all about me.
Thanks my sweet stalker....